


Black Friday

by agaylilguitar



Series: Hatchetfield series (ASOUE) [4]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Accept this guys, Also nothing in TGWDLM after the original car crash happened, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Quigley Quagmire, Bisexual Violet Baudelaire, Dead Sunny Baudelaire oop, F/F, F/M, Gay Duncan Quagmire, Gay Klaus Baudelaire, Gen, Ha dead Duncan Quagmire, LGBTQ Character, Lemony aint here so he aint high, Lesbian Fiona Widdershins, Lesbian Isadora Quagmire, M/M, Multi, No one is straight part 2, No random singing, Starkid - Freeform, angsty time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23033761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agaylilguitar/pseuds/agaylilguitar
Summary: Okay soWhat the fuck am I doing? Who knowsBut anyway, here's the base for this kinda sequel to TGWDLM AUBlack Friday takes place in an alternate universe where TGWDLM didn't happen, anything after the Sunny, Bertrand, and Beatrice car crash never happenedAnd yeah, that's all I have to sayEnjoy-Lana
Relationships: Carmelita Spats & Beatrice Snicket, Carmelita Spats & Friday Caliban, Carmelita Spats & Klaus Baudelaire, Carmelita Spats & Sunny Baudelaire, Duncan Quagmire & Isadora Quagmire & Quigley Quagmire, Esme Squalor is too complex for this, Fiona Widdershins & Beatrice Snicket, Fiona Widdershins & Carmelita Spats, Fiona Widdershins & Duncan Quagmire, Fiona Widdershins & Friday Caliban, Fiona Widdershins & Klaus Baudelaire, Fiona Widdershins & Quigley Quagmire, Fiona Widdershins & Violet Baudelaire, Fiona/Isadora Quagmire, Frank really has one small part so he also gets no more, Friday Caliban & Beatrice Snicket, Fuck Armstrong, He gets no more relationships, Isadora Quagmire & Beatrice Snicket, Isadora Quagmire & Carmelita Spats, Isadora Quagmire & Duncan Quagmire, Isadora Quagmire & Friday Caliban, Isadora Quagmire & Klaus Baudelaire, Isadora Quagmire & Sunny Baudelaire, Jacques Snicket & Armstrong Feint, Jacques Snicket & Beatrice Snicket, Jacques Snicket & Carmelita Spats, Jacques Snicket & Ernest Denouement, Jacques Snicket & Esme Squalor, Jacques Snicket & Fiona Widdershins, Jacques Snicket & Frank Denouement, Jacques Snicket & Friday Caliban, Jacques Snicket & Isadora Quagmire, Jacques Snicket & Klaus Baudelaire, Jacques Snicket & Quigley Quagmire, Jacques Snicket & Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Beatrice Snicket, Klaus Baudelaire & Friday Caliban, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire/Duncan Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire & Beatrice Snicket, Quigley Quagmire & Carmelita Spats, Quigley Quagmire & Duncan Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire & Friday Caliban, Quigley Quagmire & Isadora Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire & Klaus Baudelaire, Quigley Quagmire & Sunny Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire & Beatrice Snicket, Theres too many relationships in this, Violet Baudelaire & Beatrice Snicket, Violet Baudelaire & Carmelita Spats, Violet Baudelaire & Duncan Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire & Friday Caliban, Violet Baudelaire & Isadora Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire/Quigley Quagmire
Series: Hatchetfield series (ASOUE) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627663
Comments: 47
Kudos: 15





	1. Tickle-Me-Wiggly

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so  
> What the fuck am I doing? Who knows  
> But anyway, here's the base for this kinda sequel to TGWDLM AU  
> Black Friday takes place in an alternate universe where TGWDLM didn't happen, anything after the Sunny, Bertrand, and Beatrice car crash never happened  
> And yeah, that's all I have to say  
> Enjoy  
> -Lana

Chapter 1

**Tickle-Me-Wiggly**

“It’s Black Friday at Hatchetfield’s Lakeside Mall, with sales so huge you’ll **lose your mind!** Doors open at seven a.m.! **Lose your mind!** Pick up a pair of skis for only one-hundred-dollars! **Lose your mind!** A two-piece living room set for only from Miller’s for only five-hundred-fifty-five dollars and eighty-seven cents! **Lose your mind!** And fill this holiday season with giggles with the brand new Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll by Uncle Armstrongs Toys, only forty-nine ninety-five at Toy Zone! **Lose your mind!** ” A radio announcer said in a voice that was all too cheerful. A loud, catchy, tune began to play on the radio, it had been followed by people singing _“He’s a wiggly snig, and a sniggly wig-”_

Quigley Quagmire had flipped off the car radio, he hated musicals and Tickle-Me-Wiggly. Combining the two was something he had no interest in whatsoever. “How many times are they going to play that ad?” Quigley said as he looked over to Violet, his kinda-maybe-girlfriend, who had been driving the car.

“No idea,” Violet said, shaking her head as she spoke. She kept her eyes mostly on the road as she had a fear of driving. She had lost many family members to car crashes, it was probably a Baudelaire thing.

“Violet,” Quigley said, still looking at her, “You know how I feel about that musical commercial,” He was sure Violet knew how he felt. She hadn’t been a huge musical or Tickle-Me-Wiggly fan either, only liking them slightly more than Quigley.

“I know, you don’t like it,” Violet said, She looked towards Quigley for a mere second before looking back at the road.

“I’ll tell you why,” Quigley said, moving forward in his seat when he talked.

“Quigley, I like you a lot, but I don’t care,” Violet told Quigley. Refraining from using the phrase ‘I love you’ as neither had said, they had barely put a label on what they were. Violet had been fine with that. She liked not really having a label on what they were.

“It’s these advertising firms with their catchy jingles that worm their way into your brain, brewing up the hype, till it boils over,” Quigley had started talking about why he hadn’t liked it. Violet shook her head but had a small smile appeared on her face. “It’s things like Tickle-Me-Wiggly that make Black Friday the worst shopping day of the year,”

“Just relax, okay?” Violet said. She had stopped at a red light so she assumed it’d be safe to look at Quigley for a second and hold his hand. “It’s just a dumb kid toy,”

“Cabbage Patch kids were just kids toys,” Quigley said. Violet sighed and went back to driving as the light had turned green, “And there were riots over those things, literal riots,”

Violet laughed to herself, “What even is the point of a Cabbage Patch Kid? It’s like you’re cutting into a head of lettuces and ‘Oh shit, a baby!’” Quigley smiled and laughed at what Violet was saying, “It’s like, I wanted a salad but now I have a child. What is the appeal?”

“What's the appeal of Tamagotchis, or Beanie Babys, or Wiggly?” Quigley shrugged his shoulders as he talked, “It’s just mania, Violet, like a spell,”

Violet laughed for a second before she said “You alright? You sound more serious than normal,”

“Yeah I’m alright,” Quigley assured Violet.

“Not nervous about seeing Beatrice or Klaus?” Violet asked, her tone being more serious this time.

“Just a little, I haven’t seen Beatrice since the funeral,” Quigley said. His tone shifted, he sounded sad. He always sounded sad when talking about the funeral or Duncan. Violet tended not to bring it up, but she had to ask if he was nervous or not.

“Well, thank you so much for coming with me,” Violet had parked the car in the driveway as she spoke. She turned to face Quigley and held his hand, Quigley looked at her. “I mean it, thank you,”

“It was no problem,” Quigley smiled at Violet, Violet smiled back and kissed his cheek.

“One last thing,” Violet said as she opened her car door, “None of the Wiggly talk, Beatrice could possibly want one more than anything,”

“She’s thirteen,” Quigley said as he also opened his car door, “Maybe she’ll join me in making fun of it,”

“Just, please don’t have Klaus kick us out for any reason. This is the first time he’s ever asked me to do anything family related with him,” Violet said, sounding slightly nervous. She had been slightly nervous.

Violet walked to the trunk of the car, Quigley followed. “Well, him inviting you to a family thing is a step up,”

“I know, I know. Just, I don’t want to mess anything up with him again,” Violet said as she grabbed two bags from the trunk, passing one to Quigley and holding one herself. “I’m done fucking things up, I just need this to work, okay?”

“It will, he invited you over for a family and holiday thing,” Quigley said as Violet and him walked up to the front door. “He wants you to be apart of his life,”

“Maybe thirteen-year-old him did. Now, he could just hate me and-” Violet had started to freak out slightly. She hadn’t thought about all the implications of Klaus inviting her over until she got to the doorstep.

“Deep breath, take a deep breath,” Quigley said as he put his free hand on Violet's shoulder, “I promise, this won’t end bad,”

Violet nodded and rang the doorbell. Her grip tightening on the bag in her hand. It had only been a few seconds before the door opened but it felt like forever. Thoughts had been racing through Violet's head. She had only seen Klaus three times since she left when he was eleven or twelve. Once was when he entered Black Cat Coffee Shop, but he left after making eye contact with her. The second time was the funeral, Duncan's funeral. The third time was when she went to a restaurant with Quigley, they had been sitting far far away from Klaus. It was unlikely that he even saw her, but Violet saw him.

“You’re late,” Klaus said, He hadn’t sounded rude, but he didn’t sound happy either. It was clear that he was tired, but that hadn’t been the main tone in his voice.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just, uh, went to pick Quigley up to come with me,” Violet said, her voice shaking slightly.

Klaus raised his eyebrow, smiling ever so slightly at Quigley. “Well, come in,” Klaus said, opening the door slightly more so they could enter.

“Thank you so much for inviting me,” Violet said as she placed her bag down so she’d be able to take off her winter boots. “I’m sorry for not telling you about bringing Quigley. I only asked him last night and forgot to text you,”

“It’s alright,” Klaus said. He was still standing by the front door, “Um, how do you know Quigley?” Klaus asked.

“Oh, he came to Black Cat Coffee a lot and we became friends and then I asked him to see a movie with me,” Violet explained quickly. She had finished taking off her winter boots and had just been standing awkwardly, not fully knowing what she could do.

“So you two are dating?” Klaus asked, looking at Quigley more so than Violet. He hadn’t known that Quigley knew Violet. Klaus hadn’t seen Quigley much recently, but the two had been close before. It had felt weird not to know about Quigley dating his sister.

“Oh we haven’t put a label on it yet,” Quigley said. Violet smiled at him. She had been happy at that moment extraordinarily nervous but happy.

“Uncle Quigley?” A confused and tired voice said. Violet assumed it had been Beatrice, they sounded young-ish.

“Hi bumblebea,” Quigley said, a smile spreading across his face. He had put the bag down and opened his arms like he had expected a hug.

Beatrice smiled as she ran over and hugged Quigley. She was taller than he remembered. “Uncle Quigley!” Beatrice exclaimed, the tired and confused tone leaving her voice. The nearly fourteen-year-old girl had been wearing a pair of black leggings, ones that looked comfortable enough to sleep in and a shirt that Quigley had seen before. It had been Duncans shirt. It was a plain, dark green shirt that had the letter ‘D’ on the front.

“How're you doing Bea?” Quigley asked, pulling away from the hug. The smile on Beatrice's face got smaller as she thought of a proper answer to the question.

“I’ve been better,” Beatrice finally said. Her response had made sense. Two years ago, Bertrand, Beatrice, and Sunny Baudelaire had died in a car crash the day before thanksgiving. One year ago, Klaus, Duncan, and Beatrice Baudelaire-Quagmire were in a car crash. Two of them survived. “Who’s that?” Beatrice asked as she pointed towards Violet.

“That’s my...my older sister, Violet,” Klaus said, struggling to say the words older sister. He hadn’t called Violet his sister in nearly two decades. Klaus had barely talked about Violet since she left, only bringing her up to close friends and Duncan.

Beatrice's face lit up, she smiled a bit wider and waved her hand. “Hi, I’m Beatrice,” She said. Beatrice had sent Violet many letters, just as Sunny had. She had known barely anything about Violet however, no pictures of her seemed to exist and she never responded to any letters.

“Hi Beatrice,” Violet said, smiling and waving back.

“How about you give Violet a tour Bea?” Klaus looked at Beatrice and asked. Beatrice nodded and grabbed Violet's hand, talking as she walked Violet around the house.

Klaus went to the kitchen, Quigley followed him.

“So, Bea seems to like Violet,” Quigley said as Klaus made himself some coffee.

“And so do you,” Klaus responded.

“Klaus I-,” 

“I’m not mad. I just...didn't know you knew her,”

“I only met her a bit before Duncan...”

“Oh,”

Quigley and Klaus both went silent for a moment. “How’s Bea been doing? How are you doing?” Quigley asked Klaus.

“I think she's okay,” Klaus nodded his head. The coffee had finished brewing and he was pouring it into a to-go cup.

“And you?” Quigley asked, wanting to know how Klaus had been doing. Klaus had barely talked to Quigley and Isadora since the funeral, Quigley understood why. Isadora and him were identical to Duncan, appearance-wise.

“I miss him,” Klaus said. Quigley nodded his head. “But it’s almost been a year, I’ll be good soon,”

“Yeah, yeah we’ll all be good soon enough,” Quigley said.

Klaus and Quigley remained in silence, neither knowing what to say. The two could hear Beatrice and Violet finishing off their tour. Quigley hoped they’d be able to start a conversation once they got to the kitchen.

Violet and Beatrice had both been smiling when they came to the kitchen, the two looked like they had been a close aunt and niece for a long time. Quigley smiled when he saw them like that. Klaus picked up his coffee and put a jacket on.

“Dad, where are you going?” Beatrice asked, the happy look leaving her face.

“I gotta go get something,” Klaus said quickly before looking at Violet and Quigley, “I’ll be back in a few hours,”

“Oh, when you called, I thought we were going to spend time together,” Violet said, looking between Klaus and Beatrice as she spoke.

“I called you to just watch Bea for a bit, I gotta do something,” Klaus continued to talk quickly as he walked towards the door. “But I’ll be fast, I know you probably want to get the hell out of here,”

“Oh okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,” Violet said walking away, Quigley followed her.

“Dad, you promised we’d stay together and spend time as a family,” Beatrice said, her tone having a feeling of sadness in it.

“I’ll be fast Bea, I just have to get something,” Klaus said as he rested the coffee down and put his hands on Beatrice's shoulders.

“This is bullshit!” Beatrice yelled, her tone being replaced by anger. She pushed Klaus away from her.

“Beatrice, language,” Klaus said.

“Fuck family time, am I right?” Beatrice yelled as she stormed up the stairs. Klaus heard a door slammed shut before one more loud scream of annoyance.

“Klaus,” Quigley said, walking back into the room. Violet remained wherever she had been. “Why did you tell Violet it was a family thing if it wasn’t?”

“She lies y’know,” Klaus said, his mind flashed the memories of Violet leaving as he spoke, “She's good at it,”

“Klaus-” Quigley tried to speak.

“I’m sorry, but I just needed someone to watch Beatrice while I’m shopping and I don’t trust Isadora and Fiona with her,” Klaus tried to calm down as he spoke. He wasn’t mad at Violet. Well, he was always somewhat mad at Violet, but she hadn’t been the cause Klaus getting upset. She didn’t need him to talk shit about her.

“Why did you have to go shopping today?” Quigley asked, genuinely wondering why.

“Well, don’t tell Beatrice but, I want to get her that new stuffed animal everyone's talking about,” Klaus said. The name of the stuffed animal wasn’t coming to his mind.

“You’re getting her a fucking Tickle-Me-Wiggly?” Quigley asked, sounding shocked, “Violet!”

“Quigley shush! Bea doesn’t know,” Klaus had hoped Beatrice was still screaming until a pillow, that way she couldn’t hear the adults' conversation.

“What is happening?” Violet asked, walking towards Klaus and Quigley.

“Klaus is getting Beatrice a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll,” Quigley said to Violet.

“Shush! But, yeah,” Klaus said. He allowed himself to smile, Duncan would approve of Beatrice getting one of those dolls. Duncan would’ve been the one to go to the mall to get one, he would’ve let Klaus stay home. But, Duncan hadn't been there anymore.

“You must’ve pre-ordered that thing like six months ago!” Violet said. Klaus shushed her once again.

“Toy-Zone doesn’t do pre-orders,” Klaus said.

“Oh, so you’re getting someone to hold onto a doll for you?” Quigley asked. Klaus shook his head.

“Is someone holding your place in line?” Violet asked. Klaus shook his head once again.

“There shouldn’t be a line, Toy-Zone doesn’t open for another hour,” Klaus said, looking between Violet and Quigley whose expressions had been a mix of embarrassment and disappointment. “I’ll be there half an hour before the store even opens,”

“Klaus, there is no way you could be able to get one,” Violet said. “The demand for this doll is so high, I’ve been seeing people wait outside Toy-Zone all week and I work on the other side of the mall,”

“You’re lying,” Klaus said. He shook his head and fiddled with the to-go cup of coffee that was in his hands. “You’re a liar,”

“I’m not lying,” Violet tried to assure Klaus she hadn’t been lying.

“You’re lying,” Klaus said again, still being convinced that Violet had indeed been lying about the length of the line.

“I wouldn’t even bother going downtown Klaus,” Violet said. Maybe she would be able to get family time with her brother, niece, and maybe-kinda-boyfriend.

“Shut up Violet,” Klaus walked away from the front door after speaking. He took a seat on the couch and began to whisper to himself, “Duncan would’ve had this all worked out, he would’ve been able to get her this and tickets to whatever show she wanted, he-”

Quigley took a seat next to Klaus and began to talk. “You could buy her some tickets to Mamma Mia, that's coming to town, right?” Violet gave Quigley a thumbs up, she knew Mamma Mia was coming to Hatchetfield soon.

“But I wanted to get this doll for her!” Klaus said, slightly louder than his previous whisper. “It’s not too much to ask for!”

Klaus took a few breaths before talking again, a few tears fell out of his eyes before he had even begun talking, “This time two years ago, she lost more than any kid deserves. Last year, she lost even more,” Klaus’ voice started cracking, more tears fell down his face, “This time last year she was at mine and Duncan's wedding or sledding with her papa. And now she's...She deserves one really good thing this year,”

The memories were clear in Klaus’ head. The wedding. The time that they went tubing. Duncan going sledding with Beatrice. Drinking hot chocolate and reading. Duncan was there for all of it, he made it better. Klaus had loved him. Now, he was gone.

Klaus stayed on the couch for another minute before wiping his tears and leaving the house without saying anything else. He had simply just grabbed the to-go cup of coffee and went out to his car before cautiously driving to the mall.

Violet went over to the couch once Klaus left, taking a seat next to Quigley. She noticed the tears on his cheeks, it didn't surprise her. Duncan had been brought up a lot that day. Quigley didn't always do great on days when Duncan was brought up, or days that were important to Duncan. Violet knew that.

“A year ago, he was at his own wedding,” Quigley managed to say.

“I know,” Violet said quietly, taking Quigleys hand in hers. She hadn’t known Duncan well, but he had been Klaus’ husband and Quigleys brother.

“I miss him,” Quigley took a couple of deep breaths after saying that and wiped away his tears, “But, it’ll be okay,”

“It'll be okay,” Violet said as she quickly hugged Quigley.

The two went quiet as they hugged. Quigley felt unable to talk more about Duncan and Violet, simply, hadn’t known what to say. Barely knowing someone that everyone you knew was grieving was difficult, but Violet knew not to complain about it. She would fight anyone who complained if it was her grieving someone. 

“Should we check on Beatrice?” Quigley asked after him and Violet parted.

Violet shook her head. “Let her rest for a minute so we can unpack the shit we brought,”

Quigley looked at Violet, a small smile on his face. “I like you a lot,”

“I like you a lot too,” Violet said, a small smile appearing on her face as well. “Now, let's unpack some shit,”


	2. Califor-M.I.A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Widdershins is a asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Califor-M.I.A is such a hard song to sum up, but I tried  
> Also, Friday Caliban is babey

Chapter 2

**Califor-M.I.A**

“Sir, you can't park there. Mr.Loading Truck has made it forbidden,” Fiona said, she had been on a smoke break and was yelling at a bunch of helpless drivers who found it impossible to park in the correct spot. “Mr.Loading Truck doesn’t want to park across the street dude,”

“Fiona?” A voice Fiona knew well said.

“That is my name and you, Klaus Baudelaire, are in the incorrect parking spot,” Fiona said, she moved the smoke away from her mouth and smiled at her friend.

“What are you doing here?” Klaus walked towards Fiona as he spoke.

“Having a bud before my shift,” Fiona said, lifting the smoke up slightly.

“I thought you stopped that,” Klaus sighed, “Didn’t your dad say not to do it because Friday will follow your example?”

“I am thirty-three years old, I legally don’t have to listen to my shitty dad,” Fiona said, making it abundantly clear with her tone that she despised her dad.

Klaus sighed once again, “Why are you at the mall?” he asked.

“You're looking at the best stock girl in Toy Zone,” Fiona said, moving her jacket to showcase her Toy Zone name tag.

“Toy Zone?” Klaus asked, his interest in Fiona's job peaking.

“Yepperdo!” Fiona said as she moved the smoke back up to her face. “Have a problem with retail?”

“No, no, no, I think it's great. Toy Zone is great for you,” Klaus said, “You’ve always had a great work ethic,”

“Yeah, well, if I don’t support Friday, who will?” Fiona said. She chuckled lightly at what she said, although it wasn’t funny or a joke. Her dad had gotten bad yet again.

“Okay, well, uh, listen, Fiona, I’m here to get a present. A Tickle-Me-Wiggly, it’s for Beatrice,” Klaus had hoped Fiona would be able to hold onto a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll for him, she was a close friend. Klaus hadn’t talked to her since Duncan's death, but she was still a close friend, right?

Fiona looked up from her bud as Klaus continued on talking, “I didn’t realize so many people also wanted one. Any chance you would be able to help me?”

“Oh, you mean put one on the side for you?” Fiona said.

“Yeah,”

“Like, put your name on it and place it underneath the counter? Just screw over hundreds of people who got here before you?”

“That would be great, but maybe try not to screw over hundreds of people,”

“Yeah it would, but people have been telling me to be more responsible lately and I don’t think breaking company policy is really responsible,”

“Fiona, please,”

“Fine, I have one idea,”

“What is it?”

“Go get in line with everyone else,” Fiona said as she put the hood of her coat up and began to walk back in via the backdoor. “I’d hurry up if I were you, lines backed up to fucking Blue-Notes,”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” Klaus said under his breath as he walked into the store. “Ah, shit!” Klaus said in a slightly louder tone. The line had been going past Blue-Notes now.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Look at this fucking furry little monster!” Ernest yelled to the delivery man who was dropping off the final shipment of Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls. “These are gonna make me a fuck ton of cash!”

“Right you are, good buddy,” The delivery man said as he checked over the papers one last time. Making sure everything was in order. “Now, I just need you to sign your John Hancock on this here dotted line,”

“With pleasure,” Ernest smiled as he took the clipboard and signed his signature one last time.

“Sorry I’m late, customer talked to me during break,” Fiona yelled as she bursted into the room that Ernest and the delivery man had been in. “So that's all the Tickle-Me-Wigglys?”

“It's one of the seventeen boxes you’ll be unloading,” Ernest said, a smile still present on his face. “It’s our own little thanksgiving miracle!”

“Are those even a real thing?” Fiona asked, throwing her jacket and pinned bag onto the ground.

“Nevermind,” Ernest said, passing the clipboard back to the delivery man, “Now tell me, why do they call this wonderful day Black Friday?”

“Because it comes after White Thursday?” Fiona said, knowing her answer was wrong.

“Wrong! They call it Black Friday because it’s the day in America when most retailers go from being in the red, losing money, to being in the black, making money,” Ernest put an arm around Fiona as he spoke. He sounded like he was teaching a preschooler to read a book or write their own name.

“Well, friend-o, I have a feeling these little babies gonna take you so far into the black,” The delivery man said, “That you ain’t ever comin’ back,”

Ernest looked at the delivery man for a moment, before laughing. “Oh, I sure hope it does!”

“Oh, you’re gonna make a killing!” The delivery man said. Dragging his hand across his throat when saying the word ‘Killing’. “That is an Uncle Armstrong's Toys guaranteed!”

Ernest smiled and hugged one of the boxes as the delivery man walked next to the door which Fiona had been standing by. The delivery man stopped, taking a moment to look Fiona up and down before saying “Well, well, well, hello naughty list,”

“What the fuck?” Fiona yelled at the delivery man, who had begun to walk away.

“Excuse me, Fiona, I don’t mean to interrupt you and the delivery man, but could I see some hustle outta you on the most important shift of your life?” Ernest said, moving away from the box and walking towards Fiona, “On this holiest day in America for humble merchants across this fine nation?”

“If it's a holy day, do I get time-and-a-half?” Fiona asked, knowing the answer would be no.

Ernest sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, you have an attitude problem,”

“Oh no, tell me more,” Fiona said.

“You’re snippy to me and customers, your no-good-wife is always around here with that little sister of yours. You think someone with a record would be thankful to have a job here,” Ernest said, sounding ruder than usual, “You want to end up like your father? No sense of life after his little club ended and a young child he can barely take care of? He clearly fucked up your sister, but he did an okay job with you and your brother,”

“Look, Ernest, want me to start unloading this shit or not?” Fiona said. She had not wanted Ernest to continue saying anything.

“That would be nice!” Ernest said. Fiona made her way towards the boxes of Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls. “I’d like our hot ticket item to be on the shelves when we open!”

“Fine!” Fiona yelled. She grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting the tape off the package.

“Thank you,” Ernest said as he started to walk away. “Fiona, do you have anything to say back to me? Something a polite person might respond with?”

“Thank you?” Fiona said as she continued cutting open the box.

“No, no, no, no,” Ernest stopped walking and looked back at Fiona. “Fiona, I know this is hard for you, but try to keep up. I say ‘Thank You’, and you say-”

“You’re welcome,” Fiona unenthusiastically said.

“See, she can be taught!” Ernest smiled as he started to walk out of the room once again.

Fiona took her time cutting the box open. She wanted Ernest to be completely out of sight; she had wanted everyone to be completely out of sight. It wasn’t part of the plan for anyone to see her and what she was about to do. Not Ernest, not Friday, and most certainly not Fernald. Ernest was her boss, Friday didn't need to see what Fiona was going to do, and Fernald had been a cop who wouldn't hesitate to arrest her.

‘We’ll see who's laughing by the end of the day,’ Fiona thought. She knew it wouldn’t be Ernest when he figured out one of his eight hundred fifty Tickle-Me-Wigglys has disappeared without a trace. Fiona had finished cutting open the box once she heard a door close. She smiled widely at the Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls that had been there. They were much greener and creepier than she expected, but people still desperately wanted them.

“Hi Wiggly I’m Fiona,” Fiona said to the doll she had grabbed from the box, “So you’re what all the fuss is about, huh?”

“Tickle my belly-well,” The doll said in an eerie voice. Fiona questioned why any child would want this, it had been a rather ugly looking doll.

Fiona scratched the belly of the doll and it made a response. “That tickles!” The doll said through waves of giggles. “I think we’re going to be very good friendy-wends,”

“I think so too, Wiggly,” Fiona said to the doll. “I think you’re going to help me out a lot more than you think,”

Fiona quickly threw her pinned backpack off her shoulder and shoved the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll inside of it. She took one more quick glance around before zipping the bag back up and deeming it safe to unpack the rest of the Tickle-Me-Wigglys.

“Mall security!” Fiona heard someone yell. She froze in fear as they continued speaking. “We got a shoplifter, drop that doll!”

Fiona smiled and turned around when she realized who it had been. “Jesus Christ, Isadora! You fucking asshole!” She said as she ran over and lightly faked punched her wife.

“Hey, come on, it was just a goof!” Isadora said as she smiled back towards her wife.

“Where's Friday?” Fiona asked after noticing she hadn’t been able to see her little sister right away.

“Oh no, Friday?” Isadora said, looking down at Fiona, “Is that what you’ve been telling me every day for the past four weeks, to pick up your kid sister?” Fiona stopped feeling nervous about Isadora potentially forgetting Friday when Isadora said that and when she hugged her.

Fiona smiled and continued to look at Isadora, even after she moved away from the hug. “She’s right over here,” Isadora said as she walked a bit closer to the door where she entered.

“Friday, come on, let's-a-go,” Fiona could hear Isadora talking. “Don’t make me put a leash on you like my Aunt did to my cousin Kyle,”

“Don’t pull her!” Fiona called out to Isadora.

“I’m not!” Isadora said back. She had not been pulling Friday, she had been holding her hand and walking with her.

Fiona moved past the Tickle-Me-Wiggly box and moved over to Friday and Isadora. Friday had taken a seat on one of the boxes and looked rather upset. She had looked upset a lot recently, Fiona hadn’t been surprised.

“Hey french fry, is today a good day or a bad day?” Fiona asked Friday, fixing her little sister's hair slightly as she talked.

“Bad day,” Friday looked up to Fiona as she spoke, but moved her head back down afterwards.

“Well, I don’t know who told you that because today is a good day,” Fiona took off her backpack and smiled as she spoke. “You know my backpack with all the pins on it? Well, today you get to wear it,”

Fiona took the pinned backpack off and held it towards Friday, who still looked rather upset.

“No,” Friday said, pushing the backpack away from her.

“It’s been this all day,” Isadora said. Fiona looked back and nodded.

Fiona looked back to Friday and kept the pinned backpack held out towards her. “Why don’t you wanna wear my backpack? That makes me sad,” Fiona said as she sat down next to Friday. “Do you think I have a bad backpack?”

Friday shook her head. Her eyes darted to the floor as she started to speak. “I’m not supposed to,”

“Who says you’re not supposed to french fry?” Fiona asked although she knew who the answer was likely to be. Her father or Babbit.

“Babbit,” Friday said. Fiona nodded her head and placed the backpack down on the ground.

Babbit had been Friday's imaginary friend. Mr.Widdershins had disapproved of Babbit the second he learned of his existence. Fiona hadn’t cared. Friday had rarely described Babbit, only implying that he is likely to be a frog from outer-space. Babbit had Fridays closest friend, Beatrice coming in at second place.

“What does Babbit say?” Isadora asked. She had moved slighter closer towards Fiona and Friday as she spoke.

“Bad blood, cross, black and white,” Friday shrugged after she finished talking. “No backpack,” Friday said as her eyes moved up from the ground.

Fiona sighed and looked at Isadora. Isadora had looked focused. She had been grabbing a hat out of her backpack and was moving closer to Friday.

“All right, french fries. You see this hat?” Isadora passed the hat to Friday, letting Friday hold it and look at it. “It was gifted to me by a great warrior,”

Fiona moved away from the group and laughed slightly. She might’ve just been high, but a great warrior gifting Isadora a hat had been funny to her for a moment.

“Don’t you fucking laugh,” Isadora said. Shaking her head at Fiona before looking back at Friday, who had still been examining the hat,”

“It’s imbued with the power of grayskull. It wards off dark magic, bad blood, backpacks, any fuckin’ thing,” Friday smiled up at Isadora as she talked, “Now, I can lend you this hat, just for today. And while it's on your head, well, nothing can harm you,”

“Honest?” Friday asked, the smiling disappearing from her face.

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Isadora said. Friday smiled once again and put the hat and backpack on.

Isadora walked over to Fiona, an over-exaggerated smile on her face. “I’d make a great full-time babysitter, I’m just saying,”

“Okay, okay,” Fiona smiled and put her arm around Isadora. “So, you’re gonna watch her until I get off at noon, and then we’re out of this fucking town,”

“Way off to California,” Isadora said, a smile on her face.

“Is everything good with the buyer?” Fiona asked seriously.

“Oh yeah, about that, there's been a little complication,” Isadora said as she moved Fiona's arm away and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Shit,” Fiona said quietly.

“So, originally, we talked about around five and, well, word starts to get around,” Isadora explained carefully what had been going on, “And before I know it, there's a full-on bidding war for this thing. We have someone willing to pay seven,”

Fiona's mouth opened a bit. Seven hundred dollars for a fucking Tickle-Me-Wiggly. “Seven hundred for that doll? Holy shit!”

Isadora chuckled lightly, “No, it’s, uh, it’s seven thousand,”

“Seven-fucking-thousand for a green Elmo?” Fiona said, sounding surprised and shocked that anyone would pay seven thousand dollars for a Tickle-Me-Wiggly. “We’re set! We are set!”

Fiona ran into Isadora, who picked her up and spun her around. “Friday, you know what this means?” Fiona yelled to Friday after Isadora put her down.

“California?” Friday said excitedly.

“Cali-fucking-fornia!” Fiona yelled as she hugged her little sister. “We can ghost this town and go wherever you want,”

“California,” Friday said, smiling widely.

“Me and Isadora we’ll get you away from dad's shit-ass and he’ll never be able to find us in California,” Fiona had practically been jumping up and down with excitement.

“Promise?” Friday asked, holding her pinkie out in front of Fiona.

“I promise,” Fiona said as she shook her sister's pinkie finger with her own. Friday smiled and hugged Fiona, Isadora joined the group hug after a moment.

Once the hug ended, Fiona pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and a pen. Friday looked at it for a moment before taking both from Fiona.

“Letter time?” Friday asked.

“Its letter time,” Fiona said. She took a seat on the floor, Isadora and Friday joined her. “Dear Dad, it's been real. Real bad. I’d say you did your best, with your little “club” ending and all, but I’m not a liar,”

“That club was a cult, right?” Isadora asked.

“Oh, it totally was,” Fiona responded before continuing the letter Friday would leave for their dad. “I’m going with Fiona and Isadora. As far away as they’ll take me,”

“Whole way?” Friday asked, hoping they wouldn’t randomly drop her on the way to California.

“You’ll be with us the whole time French fry,” Fiona said to Friday. “I’d give you a proper address, but I don’t want to. Don’t write, don’t call, don’t text. With lots of “love” Friday,”

“Does that sound good French fry?” Fiona asked, showing the letter to Friday. Friday nodded and held her thumb up. Fiona shoved the paper into her sister's coat pocket and threw the pen in the direction of a bunch of boxes. “Now, time to say ‘fuck you’ to one of the worst dads and head to California,”

“God, I love you,” Isadora said to Fiona, putting an arm around her.

“I love you too,” Fiona smiled as she pulled Isadora closer to her, giving her wife a quick kiss. “But, I’ll love you even more if you help me set up the Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls,”

Isadora jokingly rolled her eyes, “Come on french fries, let's go do your sister's job for her,” Isadora said as she walked over to the box of Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls.

“I’m doing my job too! I just need help setting up these dolls because they are the prize item and Toy Zone opens in like fifteen minutes,” Fiona said, passing a box off to Isadora, one to Friday, and putting the rest on a roller and rolling them out to the store.


	3. Feast or Famine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tickle-Me-Wiggly might start a war  
> Trigger Warning: Implied domestic violence and abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song I think has like 3 songs from Black Friday all here cause those 3 were all like one minute apart  
> Also, feast or famine was too iconic for me to leave out some lyrics

Chapter 3

**Feast or Famine**

“I told you to wait in the car, Jerome,” Esme Squalor said as she walked into the mall. Her husband, Jerome Squalor, had refused to let her hang up the phone the entire time she was at the mall. “You know full well why you aren’t allowed inside,” Esme rolled her eyes as her husband spoke. “Because you’re not allowed a thousand feet within a fucking Cinnabon, Jerome,” Esme paid more attention to the sound of her high-heels against the mall floor than she had to the never-ending talking of her husband. “No, I don’t believe you just want to smell them, Jerome,”

“Oh my god, look at this line,” Esme said as she got to Toy Zone. The line had looked like it had taken over the entire mall. “No that isn’t me saying you can come in, Jerome. You keep the car running, I don’t want to return in ten minutes to a cold car,”

Esme moved the phone she was holding to her chest and walked a bit closer to the line, tapping the arm of the person who had been second in line. “Excuse me, sir, do you know what scissors do?”

“Pardon me?” The man said, clearly confused about what Esme had been talking about.

Esme smiled and held her hand out. “Hello there, Esme Squalor,” The person shook as Esme’s hand. “You might know me from my husband, Jerome Squalor, president of the in-est group in town. Or, you might know just me as I am the city’s sixth most important financial advisor,” The man still looked rather confused. “Well, I was wondering if you could just take a step back in the line and allow me to slide on in front of you,”

The man shook his head and stayed grounded in his spot. “No, I’ve been waiting here all night,”

Esme chuckled lightly as she pulled out her chequebook. “And your time is precious and valued, I’m sure,” Esme wrote down a quick thing in her chequebook, ripped the piece of paper out, and passed it to the man in line. “Which is why I would like to pay you for this lovely spot,”

“Oh,” The man said after Esme passed him the check, “Thank you Mrs.Squalor, merry holidays to ya,” The man said as he stepped back and allowed Esme to go in front of him.

“Excuse me,” A higher-pitched voice said just as Esme had started talking to Jerome once again.

“No Jerome, you can not run across the street,” Esme said, waving off the voice, “You can hold it in as a proper man would,”

“Excuse me!” The higher-pitched voice said once again.

Esme groaned and moved the phone back to her chest. She turned around to look at whoever dared to yell at her. “What?” She yelled back, finally noticing who the higher-pitched voice had been. “Oh my god, Jerome, our old daughter is accosting me,” Esme rolled her eyes as Jerome responded, “Yes it’s Carmelita! And yes, call the police!”

“You can’t do that Esme, you can’t just cut the line,” Carmelita said to Esme, sounding annoyed at her.

“Oh, oh no, I did not cut the line,” Esme explained to Carmelita, “I bought this spot, fair and square,” She turned back around after speaking with Carmelita.

“It’s alright, Ms, I let her in,” The man in between Esme and Carmelita tried to explain, with the hopes of stopping a future argument.

“Because she paid you! I saw it!” Carmelita said.

“Oh darling, you have to pay for everything in this life, get over it,” Esme said without turning around. She picked up the phone and could hear Jerome talking once again. “Jerome, I was not talking to you!”

“Sir,” Carmelita said to the man, “Did you ever think about any of the people behind you? All the hard-working, non-cakesniffing, good families of Hatchetfield, who are counting on getting a Wiggly for themselves or someone they love?” Carmelita gestured to everyone behind her in the line. “What if one of your neighbours, who has been in line for hours, won’t be able to get a Wiggly because you let that bitch cut in front of you?”

“Ms, calm down, it’s just one less doll,” The man said.

“One doll? Only one Tickle-Me-Wiggly?” Esme said, sounding shocked at the thought of only buying one doll, “I am purchasing five Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls, it is the in-est toy in town,"

“Esme, do you really think you are more important than everyone else in this line?” Carmelita asked. She had sounded rather frustrated by that point.

“In so many words, yes!” Esme said, everyone behind her began to yell at her and boo her. “Oh, shut up, I hope you don’t get a Wiggly,” Esme said pointing at one of the many people, “I hope you fucking die,” Everyone shut up after that. Esme went back to looking at Carmelita. “What are you doing here anyway? You don’t have children, thank god,”

“Well, I’m here for Hatchetfields dance studio, we’re putting a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll into our holiday raffle,” Carmelita said, wishing she had evidence that had been what she was doing.

“Ew,” Esme replied, rolling her eyes at the thought of a dance studio full of children. “Why do you work with children?”

“Listen, there's a little girl, Grace Chasity, who asked for a Tickle-Me-Wiggly to be put into the raffle and-” Carmelita started saying before Esme cut her off.

“Darling, I don’t give a single fuck,” Esme said as she turned back around, picking up her phone once again. “Jerome, I wasn’t talking to you,”

“Esme, I’m sure everyone here would like it if you went to the back of the line,” Carmelita said.

“I bought this spot, Carmelita,” Esme reminded her.

“Hey, she can go in front of me. I’ll take the check!” A guy a couple of spots behind Carmelita said.

“Uh no, this is my check,” The man Esme had given the check to said.

“See, darling, this is Hatchetfield. Not that ra-ra bossy dancer bullshit you never grew out of,” Esme said, pointing down the line of people before looking ahead and continuing talking, “It’s probably why you moved in with whatever his name was, that monster man, right up until the moment he got so angry he kicked you out and moved to Clivesdale,” Carmelita pulled her coat closer around herself. “Or did you think your neighbours never noticed you would wear sunglasses on cloudy days, when they were out of style? Turtlenecks in summer? Well, they must’ve known what was happening, but simply never cared. And that's why you disgust me, not because you're so naive, but because you're so weak,” Esme grabbed her phone and lifted it back up to her ear, she could hear someone sobbing. “Oh grow the fuck up Jerome, I wasn’t talking to you once again!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Klaus had been walking through the line, trying to get a spot closer to the front. “Excuse me, excuse me, hey Gunther, excuse me, excuse me, sorry, excuse me, excuse me,” Klaus said. He had felt awful pushing past all the people in line, but he was going to get Beatrice something. He had to get her something.

Klaus stopped pushing past people when he got closer to the front of the line, “Excuse me, miss, would I be able to cut in front of you? I just need one Wiggly for my daughter and,” Klaus stopped talking once the person he had been talking to turned around. “Oh, Carmelita, hi,”

“Oh, Hi Klaus,” Carmelita said. She had barely recognized him, the last time she had ever seen him was at their high school graduation.

“Would I uh...would I be able to go in front of you in line?” Klaus asked hoping his old friend would say yes.

“Oh, sure, yeah, of course,” Carmelita said as she took a step back, allowing Klaus to step in front of her.

“Thank you,” Klaus said. He smiled towards his old friend, she smiled back.

“No problem,” Carmelita said.

“Oh my god,” The man who had been standing in front of Klaus whispered, “Are you two dating?” The man said as he gestrusted between Klaus and Carmelita.

“Oh god no,” Carmelita said, trying her hardest not to sound too rude.

“No, no way,” Klaus said, also trying his hardest not to sound rude to the random stranger.

“You’d be cute together,” The man said.

“We’re just friends,” Klaus assured the man.

“He’s in a relationship,” Carmelita said. It appeared she hadn't learned about Duncan passing away, Klaus didn’t want to mention it.

"Mhm," The man nodded his head, making it seem like he thought the two had been lying. He faced back towards the line and began to whisper something to Esme, who laughed at whatever the man had said. Neither Klaus or Carmelita paid attention.

Carmelita looked back towards Klaus, “So, you’re shopping for Beatrice?” She asked, trying to make small talk.

“Yeah, she’s with me until December fifteenth,” Klaus replied, “Who’re you shopping for?”

“Oh, this holiday thing. They wanted a Tickle-Me-Wiggly for it,” Carmelita said in response. She hadn’t known what else to ask. Thankfully, Carmelita didn’t have to try to make any more conversation as an employee came out to the front of Toy Zone.

“Okay people, the doors are now opening,” Fiona said, people in the line cheered, “Please enter the store in an orderly fashion. For those here to pick up a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll, you will be able to find them at the checkout counter. But remember, they are following the first-come, first-serve policy, so stay in line. Enjoy,” Fiona said as she opened the doors, allowing herself to enter first and make her way to the checkout counter.

“Welcome to Toy Zone, it’s world renown,” Ernest said as customers piled into the story. Most, if not all, rushing to the checkout counter to purchase their Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. “Remember, your kids might love you if you buy them a Toy Zone toy,”

Ernest moved over to the checkout counter and stood next to Fiona, quickly whispering to his employee, “This is the creme brulee following the turkey day,”

“And it requires a bottle of pepper spray, just like turkey day,” Fiona whispered back.

Ernest sighed, “Remember our attitude talk from earlier?”

“Clear as day,” Fiona responded. She went to help the first customer in line right after. It was a person Fiona had seen many times before, they didn’t ever mention having a name, so Fiona referred to them as the Bald Man.

“Oh look, a valued customer, good morning!” Ernest said, taking over the sale before Fiona could say a word. “Can I interest you in a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll?”

“Yes,” The bald man said, rubbing his hands together, “In fact, I would like all of them,”

“Wait, what?” Fiona said, not fully being able to process what she had just heard. People in line seemed to be feeling the same as her, Fiona could hear them openly question and complain about what the person had just said.

“Excuse me, sir, did my ears deceive me or did you say that you would like all the Tickle-Me-Wigglys we have in stock?” Ernest asked, wanting to clarify if he had actually heard what the person said.

“Yes,” The bald man replied.

“All eight-hundred-fifty Tickle-Me-Wigglys in stock at forty-nine ninty-five each? That’s,” Ernest couldn’t calculate how much money the Bald Man would be spending.

“Forty-four-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine dollars, including sales tax,” The Bald Man said as he opened up his wallet.

“Would you like them gift-wrapped?” Ernest excitedly asked.

“No!” Esme yelled “No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He can’t buy all the dolls!” Esme continued to yell. “Some of us have been waiting in line forever!”

“What is going on up there?” Someone further back in the line yelled out.

“Some pervert is trying to buy all the dolls!” Esme yelled back at them.

“I better get one!” A different person yelled.

“Sorry, lady,” Ernest said, referring to Esme, “First come, first serve, all sales are final. Could I interest you in a Gummy Bug Maker?” Ernest asked as he rang up all eight-hundred-fifty Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls.

“Oh god no! That toy hasn’t been  _ in  _ for years!” Esme yelled in a disgusted tone. “And, what is a grown man even going to do with that many Wiggly dolls?”

“Well,” The Bald Man began to explain what his plan for each Wiggly was, “One will stay in the box for prosperity. One will be exclusively used for bath time,”

“This is unbelievable!” Esme yelled, stomping her foot onto the ground as if she was a toddler throwing a fit.

“Lady, if you’re gonna be hysterical, go to Ardene's!” Ernest yelled at Esme.

“How dare you!” Esme yelled back. She moved her phone back up to her ear “Are you hearing this, Jerome? It’s worse than when Carmelita accosted me! Yes, call my attorney!” Esme moved the phone back to her chest after speaking to Jerome.

“I will tickle one doll and one will tickle me,” The Bald Man kept explaining his plan for the Tickle-Me-Wigglys.

“Dude, stop,” Fiona said. The Bald Man glared at her before shutting up.

“Listen, I have been waiting here all night and I am not leaving without a Wiggly!” Someone in line yelled up to the front.

Ernest rolled his eyes as someone walked up to him, “Hi Gunther Genghis, attorney at law,” The person said through a thick accent.

“Gunther, thank god,” Esme put her hand up as she spoke, Gunther moved towards her.

“Are you aware that my client, Esme Squalor, suffers from a rare, little-understood, anxiety disorder, and any lasting medical conditions which may arise from stress caused on these premises are your liability, sir?” Gunther said as Esme dramatically looked around at everyone in line. “I hope you have your finances in order. Get ready for audits, audits up your ears, audits in your yinyang, audits out your wazoo,”

“All right, all right, all right!” Ernest yelled to everyone in line, “We’re gonna put a limit to how many Wigglys each customer can purchase. One per person!” Ernest yelled to the whole line before looking directly at Esme, “You happy now?”

Most of the line cheered, they’d all be able to purchase their Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. Esme did not cheer. 

“No, no, no, no!” She whined like she had been a toddler, “Of all the arbitrary numbers, why one? It should be a nice, in number that we can all agree upon, like five,” Esme said, people in the line booed her. “Well, you can buy less if you wish,”

“I thought all sales were final!” The Bald Man said.

“Look, you're not getting all the Tickle-Me-Wigglys, ya sicko,” Ernest said to the Bald Man.

“Well, now you’ll be hearing from my attorney,” The Bald Man yelled as Gunther Genghis returned.

“Hi, Gunther Genghis, attorney of law,” Gunther said quickly, “Are you aware my client is being discriminated against,”

Esme grabbed Gunther and kneed him, forcing him to stop talking and walk away. “Shut up Gunther!”

“Ooh! Right in the subpoena!” Gunther yelled as he walked back to his spot in line.

“Alright, forget this line!” A man from the line said as he stepped out of it and held some money in the air, “I’ll give you five hundred cash for one Wiggly!”

“Now, there's an idea, would you like it gift-wrapped?” Ernest said, smiling uncontrollably.

“No, wait, I’ll give you seven hundred!” A new person yelled as they stepped out of the line.

Fiona moved away from the counter, “No, everyone, back in line,” She said as she pushed people back to the line.

“Shut the fuck up!” The man who offered five hundred said as he pushed Fiona away from him.

“Keep your hands off her!” Klaus yelled, he had been calmly remaining in line.

“Fuck you!” The man yelled to Klaus.

Ernest grabbed a Wiggly and held it up in the air, “Show me the money people, show me the money!” He said as people grabbed money out of their coats, pockets, wallets, purses, fanny-packs.

“Eight hundred dollars!”

“Three dollars!”

“Seventy dollars!”

“Nine coupons!”

“This isn’t right!” A person near the back of the store yelled, “I lost my job when the plant closed! I can’t afford to get three five hundred dollar dolls! A Wiggly is forty-nine ninety-five!”

“Sorry, pal, the price just went up!” Ernest said, sounding greedy. “Supply and demand is a wonderful thing! Whoever pays the most for a Wiggly, gets a Wiggly!”

“Well, if you’re not gonna sell me that doll,” The ex-plant worker began to say, “Then I guess I’m gonna have to take it!” They yelled as they ran out of the line and towards the front desk.

“Get the fuck away!” Fiona yelled as she pushed the Tickle-Me-Wigglys away from the ex-plant worker.

“Hey, hands off the merchandise, pal!” Ernest yelled at the ex-plant worker after they held a Tickle-Me-Wiggly.

“That guy’s got a Wiggly, he's got a Tickle-Me-Wiggly!”

“Well, if he gets one, I want my five!”

“Give me that doll!”

“No, give it to me!”

Everyone began to scream and run around the store. Fiona covered her ears and hid underneath the counter, not wanting to hear or see the screaming and fighting for the doll.

“Fuck you all!”

“It’s mine! It belongs to my daughter!”

“It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s my little toy!”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s my little boyfriend!”

Fiona wanted them all to shut up. Ernest had wanted the same, but for different reasons.

“It’s mine!”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s mine!”

“It’s my fucking money to spend!”

“I’ll kill you all!”

“Chaos reigns!”

Fiona could hear physical fighting now. Covering her ears hadn't been blocking out as much of the sound as she wanted it too. At least, Friday hadn’t been there.

“Let go!”

“Darlings, let the fuck go!”

“No, you let go!”

“Just let go!”

“Do you both have a death wish?”

“Just die!”

“You die!”

“It's time to die!”

Everything was getting a green tint to it, Fiona had noticed that. Everything in the store seemed a bit greener. Someone had to have fucked with the lights during the Tick;e-Me-Wiggly rampage .

“I got it!”

“I got it!”

“You got it?”

“They got it!”

“What a relief!”

“It’s mine! My family will love me!”

“His belly is so squishy!”

Ernest had finally moved away from the counter, into the centre of the store. He held up a Wiggly when he got to the centre. The customers began to circle him.

“It’s all I need,”

“It’s all I came for,”

“It’s something I can’t resist,”

“What is this?”

“A doll I plan to die for,”

“What’re you gonna do?”

“It’s the last thing on my wishlist,”

“You’re in my toy store! Get out!”

“I’ll never ever return it!”

“But, you bet, the price I’ll pay will be discreet,”

Ernest began to yell. The room got greener. Fiona stayed hidden under the counter.


	4. Santa Claus is Going to High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jingle Bells  
> People died  
> yay yay yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like my song?
> 
> also sorry for the shorter chapter

Chapter 4

**Santa Claus is Going to High School**

“Hi, welcome to Lakeside Mall Cineplex. How can I help?” A teenager who worked at the movie theatre said as Isadora and Friday approached them.

Isadora held Friday's hand and looked over the movies. There was only one that Fiona would be okay with Friday seeing. “Hi, can I get to tickets to that new flick, ‘Santa Claus Is Goin’ To High School’?” Isadora asked.

“Okay, that’ll be two tickets to ‘Santa Claus Is Going To High School’,” The teenager working the cash register said, ringing them up. “That’ll be twenty-seven-fifty,” They said.

Isadora bite her lip, she knew she only had twenty dollars. “Are you, uh, are you kidding me? Thirty bucks for two tickets?” Isadora said nervously. She let go of Friday's hand and allowed her to walk away if she pleased. Friday did walk away. “Look, I’ll give you twenty dollars but that’s as high as I’ll go,”

“Uh, miss, okay, this is not the type of place where you can haggle, miss,” The teenager said, keeping ahold of the money but not putting it into the cash register. “Like, I don’t set the prices, okay, I’m just a high school kid,”

“Well I’m only paying twenty and I’m going to the movie,” Isadora said.

“Okay, miss, you can’t do that,” The teenager said, passing the money back to Isadora.

“I’m going to the movie,” Isadora said, passing the money back to them.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A security guard said as they walked into the Cineplex.

“Shit,” Isadora mumbled as she walked away from the cashier. “Nothing, sir, I was just asking a question,” Isadora said as the security guard walked closer towards her.

“Don’t I know your face?” The security guard asked, pointing their finger right after Isadora. “Ain’t you’ve been told not to hang around this mall,”

“I’ve already clarified, I was never breaking into Toy-Zone, I was going to see my wife who works there,” Isadora said quietly. “And I’m just taking the kid to see the movie,” She pointed towards Friday, who had been sitting and playing with the pins on the backpack.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re coming with me!” The security guard said as they grabbed Isadora's arm and began to walk out of the Cineplex with her, but their walkie-talkie had made a noise.

“Yeah?” The security guard said as they held the walkie talkie up to their face. “What’s going on at Toy Zone? Ah, shit,” The security guard pushed Isadora away from him and began to run, “You guys get out of here!”

Friday started shaking back and forth slowly, her hands twitching as she did. “Don’t do it,” She said aloud, not caring if anyone had heard her. “Two doors, not one,” Friday began to shake more. She felt her lungs swell up, “No, bad blood,”

Isadora nodded her head and walked back over to Friday. She took a seat next to her and talked in the softest voice she possibly could, “I’m sorry french fries, I thought I could get us in,” Friday said nothing in response. “I would’ve shelled out for the tickets, you know, I’m just a little low on funds at the moment,” Friday stopped shaking as much and looked towards Isadora, the feeling of her lungs swelling went away. “I didn’t think the old jalopy would make it all the way to California, so I put some money into it. Fiona doesn’t know yet, so let’s not tell her for a bit, okay?”

“Okay,” Friday said, leaning against Isadora. She felt safer with Isadora and Fiona then she ever had with her dad, with Widdershit as Fiona and Isadora liked to say.

Once they got to California, Isadora and Fiona promised they’d switch her last name. They’d let her become a Quagmire and she could be like their daughter. They had promised they’d keep her safe and wouldn’t forget her, Friday liked the idea of it. She loved the idea of not being forgotten or left alone.

“You alright french fries?” Isadora asked after Friday had a minute to calm down. Friday suddenly felt her lungs begin to swell again and looked up towards Isadora.

She shook her head, “Bad place, black and white,” Friday said, her voice shaking with every word.

“Look, I know you're nervous to leave home. But you gotta trust me, it’s gonna be so much better for you once we get to California,” Isadora said, still speaking in a soft tone, “And hey, maybe once you’re gone, maybe then your dad will realize he has gotta do better,” Friday calmed down slightly as Isadora talked. California talk always made her feel a bit more calm. “Hey, do you trust me and Fiona, french fries?”

“Uh-huh,” Friday said, nodding her head up and down.

“And do you believe that no matter how bad it looks right now, things’ll get better,” Isadora said. Friday began to look nervous again.

“Not better,” Friday said, “Badder, much badder,”

“French fries, I promise it won’t get any badder,” Isadora said. She meant it, it wouldn’t get any badder.

“Honest?” Friday asked, not believing what Isadora said. Babbit told her it was going to get badder and Babbit never lied. Babbit was never wrong.

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Isadora said. Friday didn’t smile.

Then, there were screams. A crowd of people came over screaming and a green tint filled the room. Friday noticed it right away. The sound of them running was loud. The screams, the running, the air conditioning, everything was loud. She didn’t like it. Isadora didn’t appear to like it either.

“French fries, I think we gotta split up,” Isadora said quietly to Friday as she noticed the crowd of people running towards them. “Hey, are you okay?” Isadora asked one of the people who had been running.

“No! I’m not fucking okay!” They yelled as they punched Isadora in the face. Friday jumped back. Isadora moved away for a second but the person either stabbed or punched her, Friday couldn’t tell. Blood came out of her mouth and Isadora dropped to the ground.

“Bad blood,” Friday said, pointing at the blood on the ground. Babbit told her about bad blood.

“Friday, get out of here! Hide in play-place by Marshalls, get in the kiddie tunnel!” Isadora yelled as she tried to stand back up. Someone kicked her and she fell to the ground again. Friday nodded and ran away.

Isadora felt herself continuously get kicked. It felt like she would never be able to move again. She had her eyes tightly closed, everyone kept yelling and kicking her. Someone had even jumped on her leg. It had to be a jump and not a kick. It hurt too fucking much to be a kick. Her head was getting kicked, Isadora could tell. It hurt so much. The feeling of something constantly hitting her head was horrible.

Friday. Isadora hoped Friday was safe. She was just barely a teenager, they wouldn’t have tried to hurt her or run after her, right? Isadora hoped they didn’t. She’d rather them keep kicking her fucking head and make it feel like all her bones were shattering then have anyone hurt Friday.

It all stopped. No one was kicking her head anymore, she couldn’t feel anyone even touch her ribcage. She felt someone rip her jacket open. But, no one was kicking her. The people said something, it wasn’t clear to Isadora, but they ran off. She could hear the sound of sneakers hitting the floor.

It felt like nothing after a minute. Isadora felt nothing. Wasn’t she supposed to be in pain? Where was the pain? Isadora found the pain unbearable, she hadn’t wanted it to return, but where had it gone? 

“Don’t fucking do it!” Carmelita. Why was Carmelita here? Isadora assumed she had imagined her voice, Carmelita shouldn’t have been there. No one else should’ve been there.

“Shit, Isadora,” Klaus? Klaus was there too? Why were they both there?

Isadora opened her eyes. She didn’t see Klaus or Carmelita, she saw Friday. But, Friday couldn’t have been there. She told Friday to run, go hide.

“French….french fries?” Isadora asked, it felt hard to talk. Her throat felt swollen, every word she said hurt her. “Don’t cry french fry….California...We’ll get you to California...You won’t have to cry so much anymore,” It hurt too much. It hurt her too much. Isadora didn’t want to continue. It hurt so bad.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Carmelita shivered when Isadora closed her eyes and put all of her weight into Carmelitas hands. Klaus helped lower Isadora to the ground before putting two of his fingers to her throat and checking for a pulse. There wasn’t one. No pulse. Carmelita suddenly felt colder. Colder than before.

“She's...she's dead,” Klaus said, his mind flashed images of Duncan when he saw him in the hospital, just after the car crash.

His face was covered in scratches, his eyes were closed, he was in a hospital gown. The heart monitor looked fine. It looked fine. Klaus assumed he’d be fine, he would just need a couple of days. But, he wasn’t fine. It wouldn’t be better in a couple days, it would get worse in a couple days. Klaus could perfectly recall the doctors explaining everything. He already understood it all, but he didn’t interrupt.  Sunny would be proud, he finally shut the fuck up. Sunny would’ve been proud.

“We gotta get out of this mall,” Carmelita said.

“I am not leaving here without a Wiggly,” Klaus explained.

“You’re a dumbass if you don’t leave,” Carmelita stood, talking louder as she did.

“No, I’m not a dumbass,” Klaus said, standing up just as Carmelita did. “I’m a good dad,”

“You are a dad and a huge dumbass,” Carmelita said. She pointed at Isadora's lifeless body, “Someone is already dead because they didn’t leave,”

“Shut up,” Klaus said as he walked away from Carmelita. He didn’t want to look at Isadora or hear what Carmelita would say.

“We’re going,” Carmelita said as she began to walk one way, Klaus stayed where he was.

Someone appeared from around the corner as Carmelita walked. “Give me a fucking doll, I’m in a hurry!” They said as they drew a knife from their pocket. Carmelita felt herself get stabbed with it.

“Carm!” Klaus yelled. He saw what had happened, Carmelita hadn’t gotten far away. “Fuck, Carmelita, fuck!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s madness in here, Jerome, madness!” Esme said into her phone as she walked around the mall. “What? No! I’m not frightened! I am annoyed!” Esme yelled. Jerome had been an idiot. Being frightened was not in, being annoyed was. “Some asshole took my doll!” Esme said after Jerome had asked her why she had been annoyed. Esme started to cry, she had been extremely annoyed and her husband wouldn’t shut up. “And, and I missed a hair appointment!” Esme continued to cry on the phone as she heard someone towards her.

“Well, well, well,” The person walking over said in a rather creepy voice, “Hello naughty list,”

“Excuse me?” Esme said as she put the phone towards her chest.

“How ya doin’ there, Esme?” The person asked, continuing to move closer to Esme.

“Stay back, I have pepper spray and I use it more than you could ever imagine,” Esme said as she reached into her purse trying to grab her pepper spray.

The person laughed and moved closer to her. “Oh I don’t know if you wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna fuck with me, Ms.Squalor,” The person said seriously, “I was a colonel once, and your pepper spray is right here,”

“That’s it, I’m calling Gunther,” Esme said as she moved her phone up from her chest.

“Esme, no need to call your lawyer,” The man said as he pushed Esme's phone back to her chest.

“When did I give you permission to say my name?” Esme said, glaring at the man.

“You never did,” The man whispered, “I just know so much about you, I assumed we would be on a first-name basis,”

“Are you the horrid man who made a Wikipedia page for me?” Esme asked.

“Oh no, sweet Esme, I’m just a fan,” The man moved closer to Esme’s face. “I adore your talents and abilities and the town you live in,”

“Well, Hatchetfield is the innest town, everyone adores it,”

“It is so much more than the innest town,”

“There is nothing more important than what's in, darling,”

“Hatchetfield is a special place, Esme, and you are one special little lady,” The man looked Esme up and down, “I’d say you’re the most special person here,”

“I know I am, what do you want from me?”

“”Well, I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna give you everything you’ve ever desired,” The man fiddled with the pepper spray in his hands, “See, Esme, I know why you want those Wiggly dolls,”

“Because they’re the innest toy,”

“No, it’s the same reason Gunther's name in your phone isn’t really Gunther,”

“No, no it is not!”

“You keep looking for it in the arms of other men, or in the smiles of your fans who follow you around like brainless monkeys,”

Esme went quiet.

“But, you have been cruelly denied it, Esme. Go on, say what it is,”

“I want what everyone wants, to be loved,”

The man laughed. “Oh Esme, that’s the type of bullshit you’d feed to your therapist,”

“Therapists aren’t in,”

“Come one, we both know love is overrated. It’s a two-way street, you gotta give up a little yourself. But why should you give when you can get,” The man chuckled in Esme’s face. “No, no, no, Esme, you wanna be….adored, worshiped, and I can help make that happen,”

“I’m listening,”

“All you have to do is just do what you do best,”

“Be the innest woman alive,”

“Be a mother!”

“Don’t remind me of my god awful daughter,”

“Esme, you were a fantastic mother,”

“I’m a fantastic everything, unlike my god awful daughter”

“Then you’ll be fantastic at this,”

“Esme,” The man pulled himself and Esme off the ground. “You were chosen a long time ago to bring about the birth of a friendy-wend of mine,” The man continued to speak as he went behind Esme and brought his hands to her head. “All you gotta do is open your heart up to his love,” The man then wrapped his arms around Esme and began to lower her to the floor.

“What are you doing?” Esme asked when the lights flickered between normal and green.

“Do you see him, do you see him, do you see him?”

The lights went out.

“Do you see him, do you see him?”

“Yes, I fucking see him!”


	5. Fucking Family Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacque Snicket is high on cults

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how chaotic and bad this chapter is  
> I just needed to start the Violet, Quigley, and Bea ii storyline

CHAPTER 5

**Fucking Family Time**

Beatrice hadn’t left her room. She stayed there and sat on her bed. The only sound coming from her mini television, which had been playing Peter Pan. Her dad and papa loved the movie, she’d always watch it with them.

She used to always watch it with them.

Beatrice had had higher hopes when she got to her dad’s house for the first time. It had been almost a year since she last saw him. Klaus made it clear that he missed her. Beatrice had missed her dad just as much as he missed her, maybe even a bit more. She was always a daddy's girl, preferring him over her mother very much. He had always better than her mother, Karen. Karen was awful. She had hated Beatrice's dad, papa, and Disney movies.

Duncan, Beatrice's papa, had only hated Karen. He had loved Klaus and Disney movies. Beatrice always saw him as superior to her mother. Papa had always made everyone happy, unlike Karen. He made Beatrice happy on many occasions and he had made Klaus happy just by existing and loving him. Duncan had been the perfect papa.

But, he was gone. Duncan was gone. Beatrice knew it and accepted it. She accepted that he was dead and it was her fault. It was all her fault. If she hadn’t asked so many questions, if she hadn’t distracted her dad, then Duncan would still be there. The car crash was her fault. Duncan's blood was on her hands. Everything could’ve been a bit better if she just hadn’t been so inquisitive. Klaus would still be happy and Duncan would still be alive. They might have even full custody of her. Duncan had talked about it with Beatrice before, she wanted it to happen.

Why did Klaus leave her at home? He promised Beatrice they’d have a family day. Beatrice had been looking forward to it, it could be a normal enough day. When Violet and Quigley showed up to the house, Beatrice was so happy. The family day was going to have her favourite uncle and the aunt she had been wondering about, as well as Klaus and her. But, it doesn’t have Klaus. It just has Quigley and Violet babysitting Beatrice.

‘ _ Fuck family day’  _ Beatrice thought. Fuck it.

Her room had barely changed since Beatrice had last been at Klaus’ house. It was still a maroon colour with grey as the second colour. Her room still looked like it belonged to an adult, rather than a child. The bed was queen size, white and grey bed sheets with maroon pillows, her dresser was a grey wood and covered in cards, letters, and had her mini television on it. Her desk was in the corner and held awards she had gotten for photography and journals that she had been keeping for as long as she could remember. It was a simple room. Beatrice liked it. Duncan had helped her decorate it, so had Klaus. That was family time. 

They had re-done her room just a month before the car crash. Only one month.

The car crash was burned into Beatrice’s mind. Crash, bang, dark. Crash, bang, dark. Then, she had managed to open her eyes. She was still in the car, so was Klaus, but Duncan wasn’t. He hadn’t been wearing his seatbelt because he was helping Beatrice look for something she dropped onto the floor; so, he flew out of the car. He had probably died the second that happened. Beatrice hoped he died the second it happened, he wouldn’t have had to been in pain for long. 

Beatrice saw other cars surrounding them, no ambulance. Duncan was in the snow. Ambulances showed up after a few minutes. They took Klaus, Duncan, and her to a hospital. 

The hospital was scary.

Everything that happened that day was scary.

Her dad was fine. He woke up and was alive. She was fine. She had been awake and was alive. Her Papa wasn’t fine. He didn’t wake up and was dead. 

And, it was all her fault. It was all Beatrice's fault.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is Moxie Mallahan coming to you live from New York,” Quigley and Violet had been watching a show when an emergency news broadcast had come up. “With continuing coverage of what has already being called the Black Friday from Hell”

“Every Black Friday is from hell,” Violet said at the television. Quigley laughed at what she said but continued to watch the broadcast.

“From the Mall of America to Macy’s Herald Square, reports of violent riots have been flooding in. Many mayors and governors are trying to figure out the root cause of the riots, which are more violent than average. The reported amount of injuries is high and the current number of report deaths if fifty-five although it is unknown the exact number as some deaths have likely gone unreported,”

“Is it normal for people to murder each other on Black Friday?” Quigley asked.

“Probably,” Violet responded. She refused to take Black Friday shifts and never went shopping that day, but she assumed it wasn’t too odd. “It is the day when everyone goes to stores and argues over items that are just a bit cheaper than normal,”

“Well, I think it’s the Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls fault,” Quigley said in a joking tone.

“I agree, one hundred percent,” Violet responded in a joking tone.

The sound of someone running down the stairs had become clear from the living. Violet and Quigley both went quiet and looked towards the stairs, Beatrice had been running down. She looked nervous.

“What the fuck is going on?” She asked, sounding as nervous as she looked, “Why did a news person interrupt Peter Pan and say that people who went shopping are dying?”

“It’s nothing to worry about Beatrice, it’s how Black Friday works,” Violet said softly.

“My dad is shopping, isn’t he?” Beatrice began to tap her fingers on her side, “He’s dead, dad’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead,”

Quigley quickly got off the couch and went over to Beatrice and held onto her shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Deep breaths bumblebea, deep breaths,” Quigley said to her.

“I’ll call Klaus right now, okay?” Violet said as she pulled out her phone and dialed Klaus’ phone number. She put it on speaker as it ringed. It continued to ring and ring and ring, until voicemail. Klaus hadn’t answered his phone. "Shit," Violet mumbled as she hung up, not wanting to leave a message.

Beatrice started to hyperventilate and freak out. “I don’t want dad dead,” She said, her voice cracking slightly. “Dad can’t be dead,”

“Your dad isn’t dead,” Quigley said, although he wasn’t sure.

“He always answers his phone!” Beatrice said “He died being mad at me,”

“He didn’t die,”

“Dad’s dead and the last thing I said was fuck family time or something,”

“He isn’t mad at you and he isn’t dead,”

“Stop saying that!”

“Beatrice,”

"Both my dads are dead,"

"Klaus isn't-"

"Then why didn't he answer the phone?"

Violet interrupted Beatrice and Quigley, “My uncle works for something called PIEP, it’s somehow related to the government, and there are no reported Black Friday related deaths in Hatchetfield,”

“He could still be dead,” Beatrice said.

“We won’t be saying he’s dead, until it is reported or we see the body,” Violet looked at Beatrice and said.

Violet switched her glance to Quigley and gave him a look which meant to follow her. He understood and nodded his head, following Violet to the kitchen. “My uncle said everyone is rioting over Tickle-Me-Wiggly,”

“People are actually killing each other for a toy?” Quigley sounded shocked.

“Yeah, apparently,” Violet said.

Beatrice walked into the kitchen, Violet and Quigley both went quiet and looked at her.

“Do either of you know a Jacques Snicket?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sorry for the intrusion, Ms.Snicket,” Jacques said after entering the house. “Hope you don’t mind that I stopped by,”

“I’m your niece, you can call me Violet,” Violet said, “And how did you get here? I was talking to you on the phone barely a minute ago,”

“I took a taxi,” Jacques looked at Violet and said.

“Who the hell are you?” Beatrice asked. Jacques stared down at her.

“My name’s general Jacques Snicket of the United States Military,” Jacques said, “Special unit P.E.I.P. We call it peep,”

“I’ve never heard of you before and my dad used to read me books about military ranks and special units,” Beatrice said.

“Well, we’re a fairly small team, just me and a few of my peeps,” Jacques said, holding back a laugh as he spoke. “That was a joke,”

“I noticed,” Violet nodded her head.

“My department handles crises of a certain nature,” Jacques started to say.

“You don’t have to say anything else Uncle Jacques,” Violet said. Jacques ignored her.

“Situations not unlike what we have here in Hatchetfield,” Jacques continued to speak.

“So shopping mall fights?” Quigley asked. Jacques shook his head.

“Behind the veil of the universe you perceive, are entities both ageless and fowl, and these eldritch forces are rising,” Jacques said, looking at everyone as he spoke, “There is a creature at work here. One with designs on humanity far worse than any nightmare we could comprehend, and he is marshalling his powers,”

“Sir, are you okay? Would you like some water?” Beatrice asked.

“Violet, you’re a genius inventor and intellect. If humanity is going to have any hope for survival, I’d like you to come with me,” Jacques said, looking right at Violet.

“I’m supposed to be babysitting,” Violet said.

“Bring the kid, it’ll be like a field trip,” Jacques said, “And the boy can come to,”

“Okay!” Quigley said, looking at Violet and Beatrice.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, where are we going?” Beatrice asked once they had gotten into the taxi. Normally, she wouldn’t go into a stranger's taxi or car but Violet and Quigley had also gone in. If she got kidnapped, it’d be their fault.

“To borrow an expression, we’re stepping out of the blue and into the black,” Jacques said.

“Huh?” Beatrice hadn’t understood what he had said.

“Sometimes you gotta step into the black and white,” Jacques said.

“Oh, Friday’s mentioned that place before,” Beatrice said, partly understanding what Jacques meant, “Babbit lives in the black and white,”

“Babbit?” Quigley asked, not having heard of Babbit before.

“It’s Fridays imaginary friend,” She happily said, “They either live in a place called black and white or outer space,”

“Drowsy town?” Jacques asked.

“That’s not outer space,” Beatrice said.

“That’s fucking Tickle-Me-Wiggly,” Quigley said. The jingle for that toy had mentioned Tickle-Me-Wiggly living in Drowsy Town being stuck in the dreamless sleep of the dead, rather dark thing to say for a kids commercial.

“Can you tell us exactly what is happening?” Violet asked. She had been completely confused about what Jacques had been talking about and what had been going on.

“No, I can not,” Jacques said, “But, there are interdimensional monsters who are far worse than any human could ever comprehend,”

“You said that already,”

“There are monsters and there are men, Violet,”

“People, not just men,”

“There are monsters and there are people. I have dedicated my life to helping people and PEIP has allowed me to do my job better than before,”

“Does PEIP know that you just invited two clueless adults and a child to come with you?” Beatrice asked, wanting answers for all her questions.

“They do not,” Jacques said, “But, they will appreciate what I’m doing, bringing people like you,”

“You only know Violet,”

“I know you’re full of questions, something PEIP values,”

“Do they also value orphans?”

“You’re not an orphan Bea,” Quigley said.

“Not yet, Beatrice replied.

The rest of the ride had been silent. Beatrice kept quiet and stopped asking questions, Violet peacefully listened to the radio, Quigley let his thoughts fill his head, and Jacques did nothing but drive his taxi.


	6. Take Me Back in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning; Mentions/implied abuse

Chapter 6

**Take Me Back in Time**

_ “Deck the halls on high! Deck up Northville High School! Carol in the halls, rising with the tide yule! See what winter brings for your Northville Mistletoe!”  _ Carmelita had heard the singing as Klaus and her entered the Cineplex. They had already stitched up where she had gotten stabbed, the box office had a first aid kit shockingly. But, being out in the open wasn’t safe. Going into one of the theatres and hiding out was their best bet. Only one theatre had appeared to be empty, one showcasing the movie ‘Santa Claus is Going To High School’. Klaus and Carmelita had no interest in the movie.

“Now, please be careful or you’ll rip the stitches,” Klaus said as he helped Carmelita rest into one of the movie theatre chairs.

“I know how to be careful,” Carmelita said as she took a seat. Her side, where she had gotten stabbed, had hurt a lot more as time went by. The original rush of adrenaline blocked some of the pain, as time passed the adrenaline rush went away and Carmelita found herself in more pain.

“I know, I know, I’m just saying,” Klaus said. He took a seat next to Carmelita and looked at her wound. “It looks like the knife just cut skin, not any vital organs,”

“How do you know? You’re not a doctor,” Carmelita said as she too looked down at where she had gotten stabbed. The wound had looked much more like she had gotten sliced with a knife, not stabbed.

“I've read some books and you’re not dead,” Klaus said. He stopped looking at Carmelita's stab wound and looked towards the screen.

_ “There’s something funny about you, Mr.Kringle,”  _ A character in the movie said,  _ “I wanna know how you made ice appear on the gym floor,” _

“This looks like a bad version of Frozen,” Klaus pointed out, no longer listening to what the characters in the movie had been saying.

“It looks like if High School Musical met Frozen,” Carmelita added. “You know, I haven’t been to a cineplex in years,”

“Why?” Klaus asked. He knew Carmelita wasn’t a huge movie person, but he guessed she had gone a few times in the last couple of years.

“Nero, a guy I lived with, used to say going to the movies was a waste of time and money,” Carmelita said quietly. She hadn’t liked talking about Nero.

“Karen said going to movies was a waste unless you were with a child,” Klaus said.

“Fucking Karen...I haven’t heard anything about her in forever,” Carmelita said. She had despised Karen, everything about her had been horrible.

“Yeah, we split up a while ago,” Klaus said. He had hoped Carmelita had already known that. He didn’t want to explain any details.

“I guessed that after Isadora told me you were engaged to Duncan,”

“She told you that?”

“I think her and Fiona got really high that night,”

“Well, Duncan and I got married a year ago,”

“You got married fast!”

“Yeah, yeah I did,”

“Where is he? Where’s Duncan?”

“He um...he died almost a year ago,”

“Oh. I’m so sorry,”

“I was driving that night,” Klaus said. He hadn’t talked about that night to anyone in a long time, he didn’t know why he was talking about it now. “If he’d been driving, he would’ve seen the other car. He would’ve stopped or at least made sure we all had seatbelts on,” Klaus felt a few tears begin to form in his eye, “It’s my fault, it’s my fault he’s dead. I killed my family,”

It had been dark that night. Klaus and Duncan had left their hotel late and hadn’t picked Beatrice up until five p.m. It had already been getting dark by then, and they still had a two-hour drive to Hatchetfield. Klaus still thought it would be a smart idea to get dinner, take one hour just to do that. Duncan said he could make something once they had gotten home, but Beatrice had already been excited about going out to eat, so they went out. It had been six p.m when they started driving. An hour into the drive, Beatrice dropped a pin she had gotten from Sunny on the ground. Klaus could remember the pin very clearly. Sunny gave it to Beatrice for her tenth birthday, it was a little bat pin. Beatrice wore it everywhere. Duncan had taken his seatbelt off to help Beatrice look for it on the ground. Klaus had looked back to tell Beatrice that they can search the car when they stop for gas and that's when it happened.

“Why did we stop talking?” Carmelita asked, “We were so close in high school,”

“I got with Karen and went away for University,” Klaus reminded Carmelita.

“I met Nero around then,” Carmelita said. She could remember the first time she met him. It had been at a school thing, Esme had just kicked her out. She was alone for the first time in her life. Nero offered her a place to live until she got on her feet. Carmelita never ended up really getting on her feet. “He wouldn’t let me talk to anyone, he said I was too adorable,”

“But, he was good at first,” Carmelita said. She had sounded like she had been defending Nero. “He helped pay for the dance studio repairs, helped me get my job there. He also had a car and a house, two things I needed and didn’t have,"

“He sounds okay,” Klaus said.

“He wasn’t,” Carmelita replied, “I had been with him for five months when he first started taking my phone, deleting all of my contacts. I put a passcode on it after that, but he figured it out and started deleting more people and taking me off social media,” Carmelita continued on, “When he first met Isadora and Fiona, he yelled. They had smelled too much like weed and were being too romantic. I stopped being allowed to have people over after that, I also got my phone taken away around then,”

Carmelita could remember so much about Nero, he was horrible. A horrible, horrible man. “I did everything he said. I stopped going to parties, I stopped teaching dance classes, I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped going out to eat, I stopped doing things I liked. I wasn’t allowed to move out of his house,”

“Do you still live with him?” Klaus asked, hoping she didn’t.

Carmelita shook her head. “No. Everyone says he kicked me out and ran away to Clivesdale because I was that horrible. But that’s not the truth,” Carmelita took a deep breath, “When I learned that your parents and Sunny passed, I wanted to go to the funeral, pay some respect. Nero said he’d rather see me dead than being around the terrible people I was friends with. That night, I fought back,” Carmelita wanted to stop telling the story, leave it there. But, she continued “He ended up chasing me out of the house and into the woods. He was the one who brought the gun, but I was the one who used it,”

Carmelita left Klaus to fill in the blanks, which he did.

He came to the conclusion that Carmelita had killed Nero, likely left him in the woods, and then just lived her life. She clearly never got caught, she was out shopping on Black Friday.

“You wish you never killed your family. I hope I killed mine,” Carmelita said after a moment. “I really, really, really hope he’s dead,”

Klaus and Carmelita stayed silent for a moment. Both trying to process everything in their previous conversation.

But then, the lights started flickering green. The movie that had been playing in the theatre had stopped. A Tickle-Me-Wiggly ad appeared on the screen and took the movie's spot. Carmelita and Klaus' eyes shifted towards the screen, they had seemed mesmerized by the ad.

“Ahoy there, boys and girls!” The man in the Tickle-Me-Wiggly ad said, “Hop aboard the S.S Wiggle! We’re setting sail for giggles! Come on, Sniggles!”

Music began to play as other people appeared in the ad, wearing costumes that resembled what Wiggly looked like. They had been clapping loudly and acting like children, although they looked closer to Beatrice’s age.

“Hey, everybody, we’re the Sniggles, don’t be scared,” One of the girls said, she smiled and waved towards the camera as she spoke.

The music had gotten louder and everyone appeared in a line, the man from the beginning being in the front. He had had a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll up to his chest.  _ “He’s a wiggly snig and a sniggly wiggly!” _

“Yeah!” The man holding the Tickle-Me-Wiggly said.

The Sniggles began to dance around.  _ “A fwendy-wend, that makes you giggly!”  _ The Sniggles all looked around and smiled towards each other,  _ “He’s an underwater creature from outta this world! A bestest fwendy-wend to all the boys and girls!” _

More Sniggles ran to the other ones, joining them once they started to sing again.  _ “He’s a wiggle wig and a snuggle poo!”  _ Everyone crowded the man holding the Tickle-Me-Wiggly,  _ “He’ll wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle with you!”  _ The Sniggles and the man all pointed towards Carmelita and Klaus.

“His belly’s so squishy!” One of the Sniggles said.

The other Sniggles began to walk around in a circle,  _ “His name is Wiggly and he’s here to stay! His belly’s squishy, puts a smile on your face! Just tickle his belly well and he’ll say,” _

The Sniggles all bent down and looked at Wiggly, who began to speak, “I wuv you,”

“Uncle Armstrong, where does Wiggly come from?” A Sniggle asked.

“Well, he’s deep down in Drowsy Town, sleepin’ the dreamless sleep of the dead!” Uncle Armstrong, the man holding Wiggly, said.

“Well, how are we gonna wake him up, Uncle Armstrong?” A different Sniggle asked.

“Oh, you’ll just have to pick your own up this Black Friday!” Armstrong said as he stared right at the audience.

_ “Come on kids, time to gather around! There’s an underwater creature that will turn that frown!”  _ The Sniggles all sang as they returned to dancing around.  _ “He’s a fwendy-wend, through the black and blue, cause Wiggly wiggles with you!” _

Uncle Armstrong began to sing,  _ “Rub his belly well, bounce him up and down. Tell him that you love how he wiggles with you!” _

One of the Sniggles stepped forward and started to sing on their own,  _ “He’s all that you wanted, all that you needed, for this holiday season!” _

Another Sniggle stepped forward,  _ “This holiday season, now you’ve got a reason for fwends to come and play!” _

_ “Come and play with us!”  _ The Sniggles all sang together.

All the Sniggles, besides one with bright red hair, turned to face the back.  _ “You brush his hair with a comb, his body’s made out of foam that’s certified laundry-safe,” _

The red-headed Sniggle turned around, a different Sniggle took their spot.  _ “When Wiggly takes over, your hearts and your soul, the world will be a,” _

_ “Playground full of magic and Sniggle songs!”  _ Everyone had turned to the front and sang once again,  _ “And when you’re feeling down, he’s there to sing along!” _

The Sniggles started jumping and dancing around, clapping their hands together every once in a while,  _ “He’s a wiggly snig and a best fwend too! He’ll wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle! He’ll wiggle his way through life!” _

“And he’s a steal at only forty-nine ninety-nine!” Uncle Armstrong yelled.

The ad ended. The music faded out and the lights continued to flicker green. 

“How many Tickle-Me-Wigglys do you think are left in the mall?” Klaus asked Carmelita.

“There has to be some, exits were getting blocked off right after we left Toy Zone,” Carmelita said, “People are probably guarding the exits,”

“Then I can still get one for Beatrice,” Klaus said, thinking about his daughter. 

“And I can get one for the raffle,” Carmelita said afterwards.

“I get the first one,” Klaus looked over to Carmelita as he spoke. His voice sounding firm. Like they had a pre-agreed upon rule.

“I was the one who waited in line,” Carmelita looked to Klaus and said. She had waited in line, she deserved one more.

“Mine is for my daughter,” Klaus said. His daughter was more important than a dance studio. 

“I waited in line,” Carmelita reminded Klaus. She waited, she gets one first.

The lights went full green.

“Do you think Fiona would help us?” Klaus asked, sounding different than before.

“She works at Toy Zone,” Carmelita said, also sounding different than before.

“Friday could help us if Fiona refuses to,” Klaus smiled as this idea popped into his head. Friday would help him, she was best friends with his daughter after all.

“I think Friday might already have one,” Carmelita said. She didn’t know why she thought this, but she had a feeling. Something was telling her Friday had a doll.

“Me too,” Klaus responded.

Carmelita and Klaus both grinned before standing up. They had an identical feeling. The feeling made it clear to them Friday had a Tickle-Me-Wiggly and that she had been hiding. Klaus had no idea where, neither did Carmelita.


	7. PEIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PEIP is possibly a cult, possibly not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for taking a break, I was fixing part of the storyline involving Quigley, Violet, and Beatrice  
> I just wanna quickly thank Forest -From Starkid and asoue discord- for helping me come with this bit

Chapter 7

**PEIP**

Jacques had explained very little during the rest of the taxi ride. His answers to many questions being cryptid or being the phrase ‘Black and White’, one which Beatrice had only heard from Friday before. Jacques had never met Friday however, he had answered that question with a simple ‘No’, so it was unlikely it was the same Black and White.

The PEIP headquarters had looked much like if a horrible rec-centre and a government-run lab combined. The exterior was mostly white with very few windows and letters above the building that spelled out PEIP. The building was downtown, near the hospital, it had blended in well with its surroundings. Beatrice would’ve assumed it was an office building if she had driven past it. The interior of the PEIP building matched the exterior, plain white. Some letters on one of the walls read ‘Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Inter-Dimensional, Phenomenon’.

“Is that what PEIP stands for?” Beatrice asked as they walked past the walls towards a desk that a lady with pencils in her hair sat at.

“Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Inter-Dimensional, Phenomenon,” Jacques said, not bothering to look at the mall, he instead looked at the lady with pencils in her hair and showed her his PEIP badge. “That is the purview of our organization,” Jacques stated.

“That's an odd purview,” Beatrice said. She hadn’t believed in ghosts, E.T was just a movie, and inter-dimensional activity only existed in science fiction novels.

“It’s a rather good purview if you understood everything correctly,” Jacques replied. He continued to lead the group down a hall.

“What's in there?” Beatrice asked, pointing towards a door that said ‘Reset 3; Unknown.'.

“Don’t ask too many questions bumblebea,” Quigley whispered to Beatrice.

“That's classified information,” Jacques said as they continued to walk down the hall.

“What about that room?” Beatrice asked, ignoring what Quigley said about not asking too many questions, “It says Reset 1:-”

“I admire your inquisitive personality, Beatrice, but I am unable to answer any of your questions,” Jacques stopped walking for a moment and looked towards Beatrice.

“That's bullshit,” Beatrice said as they began to walk once again.

“My uncle is a very interesting person, most things with him seem very bullshit,” Violet told Beatrice and Quigley.

Jacques blocked out the conversation the others had been having as he continued to lead them down the hall. Each room has signs that read many different things, Jacques had memorized it all. The room he had cared about the most at that particular moment was one that had double doors and on one side was labelled ‘ **DANGER:** **Active Portal containing inter-dimensional monster’**. It was the only one that had currently mattered. Reset three hadn’t mattered, and hopefully never would, and the room for reset one...it didn’t matter anymore. Reset one was a failure. The room was a pointless one now.

The room with double doors had been one of the final ones, the sign next to one of the double doors read ‘Reset 2: Tickle-Me-Wiggly’. Jacques pulled out his badge once again, letting it get scanned, before opening the door. The room that the double door had led to was filled with technology Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice had not seen before. There were computers that looked more advanced than a regular computer, large boards that rested on the walls which had been crowded by people, another door that had many locks on it and appeared to need multiple forms of identification before it would open.

“Sir, Jacques, Mr.Snicket, could you possibly explain everything?” Quigley asked upon entering the room.

“He’s really bad at explaining,” Beatrice looked up to Quigley and said.

“Uncle Jacques, could you please help us wrap our heads around all of this?” Violet asked.

Jacques sighed, “Follow me,” He said as he walked over to a device that had taken up almost an entire table. “There are many different dimensions in this world, all slightly different from each other. However, these dimensions do not matter to us as what our main concern is, rests outside all dimensions and all different versions of our reality,” Jacques explained, playing around with the device as he spoke. “Our place is a swirling sea of psychic energy, which we know as the Black and White,”

“Why is it called the Black and White?” Beatrice asked, hoping Jacques would answer her question. He did not.

“The current ruler of this realm is an entity we’ve known of for thirteen years,” Jacques said as he continued to play around with the device. He pulled up many images, charts, papers, anything that could help with his explanation.

“That’s how old I am,” Beatrice interrupted.

“This entity has only now revealed his name, Wiggly,” Jacques said as he pulled up a picture of the doll on the device.

“So the doll is actually evil?” Quigley asked. Jacques nodded his head. “I knew it!” Quigley exclaimed.

“The doll can’t be solely responsible,” Violet said. Logically, a doll couldn’t be responsible for the mall riots and more issues.

“It isn’t. The doll is only part of it,” A new voice said. “Armstrong is doing something with said doll,” The new voice continued to speak.

“Frank,” Jacques said as he walked over to the person. He gave them a small half hug and smiled.

“Do these people not remember their Catechism class?” Frank whispered to Jacques. Jacques shook his head.

“They’re new, I highly doubt they’ve ever taken one,” Jacques whispered back.

Frank looked at Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice. “Well, have you ever heard someone say the fathers the son and the sons the father?” Frank asked all three.

“My dad might’ve mentioned it once,” Violet responded. She couldn’t remember if Catechism was something her dad would bring into his odd theories or not.

“I’ve never heard of it,” Beatrice replied. She couldn’t recall her dad or papa ever bringing it up, her mother likely didn’t know what it was. Even if she did, Beatrice highly doubted her mother would tell her anything.

“Well,” Frank began, “Wiggly rules on high in the Black and White, but he is also the doll,”

Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice shared a look of semi-confusion as Frank continued to talk.

“Bet you didn’t guess that the Lord of Despair would be so cute and cuddly, did you?” Frank asked.

Quigley had never considered the dolls to be cute or cuddly. They had faces that looked like they belonged in a horror movie, not a child's toy. It had what Quigley assumed was four large, green teeth sticking out of its mouth. Its eyes looked like it had been high or drunk or sleep-deprived. Quigley had never touched a Tickle-Me-Wiggly but he was sure it was not cuddly either, a thing like that could in no possible way be cuddly.

“Who are you?” Beatrice asked, realizing that they had no possible clue who the man telling them this information was.

“Children,” Jacques said, “Meet, Frank Denouement, our lead theoretical physicists,”

“Hello, Frank, I’m Violet,” Violet said as she held her hand out, Frank shook her hand.

“I’m Quigley, this is Beatrice,” Quigley said. He signalled down to Beatrice as he mentioned her name.

“How do you do?” Beatrice asked. Her father had said that to everyone he met, it was a habit Beatrice had picked up on.

“Frank is also the best damn field agent I have ever had the pleasure of working with,” Jacques said. Frank smiled at Jacques and mumbled a small ‘Thank you’ after he finished talking.

“So, Mr.PEIP agents, what exactly does Wiggly do to people?” Beatrice asked.

“The full effect of what Wiggly does is still unknown to us, the last time we sent a man into the portal he came back with a pledged allegiance to Wiggly and disappeared without a trace,” Frank said, a frown forming on his face as he spoke of the former PEIP agent.

“Armstrong had been one of our best, it was an unfortunate day when we lost him to Wiggly,” Jacques said.

“Well, what does Wiggly want?” Quigley asked. He wanted an answer. “Why is he doing everything that he’s doing?”

“Quigley, he wants everything. Wiggly has a thirst that can only be fulfilled if he makes his way to our dimension, our realm of existence,” Jacques told Quigley, who nodded his head.

“He’s a-knockin’ and he wants in,” Frank said afterwards.

Violet had still been focused on the former PEIP agent, Armstrong. She wanted to know what happened to Armstrong, what went on.

“Could you explain more about your former agent, Armstrong?” Violet asked after a moment.

Jacques took a deep breath, “Thirteen years ago, we constructed our first, and only, portal to the Black and White. My mentor, Armstrong Feint, volunteered to be our first man inside. Upon his return, he was a raving lunatic. A completely different man. He pledged his undying loyalty to Wiggly and other forces within, denouncing PEIP as he did, and disappeared soon after,” Jacques said, giving the best answer he possibly could to Violet's question.

“Do you know what happened to him when he was in the portal?” Beatrice asked. She had become deeply interested in what had happened.

“Our radios cut out the second he entered Wigglys main territory,” Frank answered, “We have our theories, our own ideas, but there is not enough evidence to confirm what exactly Armstrong experienced during his time in the Black and White,”

“Today,” Jacques began, starting a brand new conversation, “We would like to send Violet through that portal, into the Black and White,”

“What?” Violet asked, complete disbelief filling her voice. She had to have misheard Jacques.

“No, no, no, no, no, no,” Quigley said, shaking his head as he spoke. “You can’t send her in there!”

“Calm down Quigley,” Violet said as she reached for Quigley's hand, “Uncle Jacques, could you please repeat yourself?” Violet asked, trying her hardest to sound calm.

“Today we plan on sending you, Violet Snicket, into the Black and White,” Jacques repeat, “We believe you would be able to make peace with Wiggly, help PEIP in more ways than you could possibly imagine,”

“We can’t send Violet into a fucking deathtrap!” Quigley yelled at Jacques. His grip on Violet's hand tightened. “You can’t do that!”

“Quigley, we are almost certain Violet could negotiate a peace with Wiggly,” Jacques calmly said to him, “We are not sending her into a deathtrap,”

“You just said the last person in there went insane!” Quigley continued to yell.

“Quigley, it’ll be okay, deep breaths,” Violet said. She wanted to help Quigley calm down, feel less anxiety.

“No, fuck this!” Quigley yelled as he tried to walk away, “Fuck this! Fuck this! Fuck this!”

“Quigley, listen,” Frank said as he pulled Quigley back, “These riots are just the beginning. Right now Wiggly is building an army and preparing to end us all. When the only people who remain are his devout followers, they will build him a birth canal,”

“It will be a portal much more powerful than ours,” Jacque said to Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice, “A portal large enough for Wiggly himself to crawl through. Once he crosses through, he will mould humanity to his liking,”

“In short,” Frank said, also speaking to Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice, “We are trying to stop the birth of someone who could potentially destroy everything humans have worked towards,”

“Violet can’t go,” Quigley said, no longer yelling.

“Quigley,” Violet said, looking directly at him.

“I’ll go,” Quigley said as he looked between Jacques and Frank, “I’ll go into the Black and White and she can stay here to watch Beatrice,”

“It was her job to babysit me,” Beatrice added.

“You’re not going,” Violet shook her head.

“One of you is going,” Jacques said, hoping he could get a direct answer from one of them.

“It’s me,” Quigley looked at Jacques and said, “I’ll go into the Black and White and Violet can stay here,”

“Alright,” Jacques said, he turned towards Frank and other people who had remained crowded around the board on the wall, “We have fifteen minutes to give this man training to go into the Black and White, everyone do your part,”


	8. Adore Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esme is adored and a cult leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, Adore Me is hard to do in non-song form

Chapter 8

**Adore me**

Fiona had woken up in a random room. It was pitch black, only slight green light coming from the crack under the door. She couldn’t recall how she got into the room or what had happened after some fight for Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls. Her head had hurt a fuck ton, however. Fiona couldn’t feel pain anywhere else, just her head. Ernest was in the room with her. He was still passed out. It had looked like he had been dead, blood had soaked through his shirt, but Fiona was sure she saw him still breathing. Barely breathing, but still breathing. Ernest appeared in much worse shape than her.

“Citizens of Hatchetfield!” Fiona heard someone yell. They were outside of the place she was in, but they weren’t far. “One-hundred and sixty-eight hours ago, I came to this mall to wait in line for a Wiggly,”

Bald man. Fiona knew it had been him. He had been in a tent outside of Toy Zone for the past week, refusing to leave.

“And defecated into a bucket all so that I wouldn’t lose my place in line,” Fiona assumed the bald man continued to speak.

It was fucking gross. Fiona could remember leaving her shift one night and witnessing that, it was awful and disgusting. Ernest had asked him to leave after Fiona reported that to him, the bald man refused. It had been like he was attached to the ground outside the mall.

“If all had gone as planned, I would now be the proud owner of eight-hundred-fifty Wigglys” The bald man yelled. It was clearly him, he was the only person who would want all of the Tickle-Me-Wiggly dolls. “But after today's great battle, I stand here before you, empty-handed!”

“Fiona?” Ernest. He had woken up, thank god.

Fiona moved away from the door and ran towards Ernest. “Lay back down, take some deep breaths, we’ll be fine,” Fiona told him as she helped Ernest lay back on the floor.

“What the fuck?” Ernest asked, sounding deeply confused.

“I think some fucking maniacs locked us in a random store, but we’ll get out,” Fiona said. She had barely believed herself.

The door began to creak open. Guess they were going to get the fuck out of that room.

Two people, who had previously fought Fiona and Ernest at Toy Zone, stood at the entryway. The pair walked in without saying anything. The lights flicked green as they entered. It was odd.

“Oh thank fucking god,” Fiona said as both people walked closer, “Can you help us get out of here? I can get you some Wigglys just help us get out of here,”

Neither person appeared to listen to her, they both continued to walk in almost perfect silence. The only sound coming from their shoes each time they touched the ground. The stronger looking one of the two picked up Frank and began to drag him out of the room, the other grabbed Fiona.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Fiona asked as she tried to make the person let go of her, “Let go of me asshole!”

“Wiggly is good!” Fiona heard someone yell. It was someone different, not the bald man.

“Wiggly is just!” Another new person yelled.

“If we have faith, we will be awarded with a cuddly doll!” The first person yelled once again.

Fiona stopped fighting the person who was dragging her somewhere, instead trying her hardest to listen to what the people had been saying.

“Yes, brothers, sisters,” It was the bald man, he was still there and actively talking, “We have seized control of Lakeside Mall! From this mall, we shall march forth, and conquer the earth! All hail Wiggly!”

They made a cult about the fucking doll. Fiona was shocked and interested in how the fuck that happened, how the fuck they made a cult about a green Tickle-Me-Elmo.

“Wiggly, Wiggly, Wiggly!” Many different people all yelled.

Fiona began to see the light of the centre of the mall. It was the exact same green as Wiggly. All the other lights had been flickering between normal and green. Those lights, however, had been completely green.

“Yes, now bring forth the infidels!” The bald man yelled out once Fiona, Ernest, and the two people dragging them were almost at the centre.

The people began to move faster towards the centre. Practically running before throwing Fiona and Ernest on the ground.

“Hey, fuck off you pieces of shit!” Fiona yelled to the person who had thrown her onto the ground. She quickly looked up towards the bald man, who was standing on a small stage that had been set up in the mall for something. “I swear to fucking god if you did anything to my sister!”

“Silence, heathens!” The bald man yelled. Fiona quieted down slightly, still cursing everyone out under her breath.

“Kill them!” Someone called out.

“Fucking kill them!” Someone new called out, they sounded much more interested in watching Fiona and Ernest die than the previous person.

“No, no friendy-wends, they face not your judgement,” The bald man said. Shockingly, he hadn’t sounded completely interested in Fiona and Ernest's potential deaths, “But that of she ordained by our ruler. Summon the prophet, the mother, the mommy!”

“Mother, mother, mother!” Everyone surrounding Ernest and Fiona yelled towards the stage.

Esme Squalor began to walk across the stage, her phone in her hand and a smile plastered on her face. Everyone, minus Fiona and Ernest, cheered and applauded her.

“Yes, they are talking about me, Jerome,” Esme said into her phone as she waved at the crowd of people surrounding the stage. “Why would they talk about anyone else, darling?”

Esme dropped her hand, stopping her queen-like waving. Her face changed to an expression filled with anger. “I don’t find that word fitting, Jerome, we are not a cult,” Esme yelled into her phone. “This is just a new, exciting, and in religion that I have started,”

Fiona held in a laugh, ‘not a cult’, whatever had been going on was a cult. It reminded Fiona about the “club” her father used to be in, which was in every way a cult.

“Well, yes, my dearest, of course, you can come inside and support me,” Esme grinned as she spoke on the phone, “But before you do, I’d everyone here to know that my first act as the divine prophet was to set fire to that small, little, helpless Cinnabon as a sacrifice for Wiggly,”

People cheered for Esme and her plans to burn down the Cinnabon inside the mall, or because she mentioned Wiggly. Both reasons that would make sense with the current situation

Esme's grin disappeared, her face of anger returning, “Oh, now you’d rather stay outside and keep the car warm!” Esme yelled at Jerome.

“Darling, hold on,” Esme said after a moment. She moved the phone away from her ear and used her free wave once again.

“Yes, I am the divine prophet,” Esme said, her tone being much different than before, “I have gazed into the face of Wiggly. He has chosen me to usher in his reign and give him life! But, oh, lord, how? Your voice is so far away, I am unable to hear it. I need a vessel filled with your essence,” Esme motioned towards the audience as she continued to speak, “To guide our people, your people, to let your will be known!”

Fiona felt Esme look directly at her. “I need a Wiggly doll, ideally five of them,” She said, loud enough for Fiona to hear every word perfectly.

Everyone in the audience moved away from Fiona and Ernest, clearing a path from the stage, that Esme stood on, to them. Esme glared at Fiona and Ernest, impatiently waiting for a response.

“Listen,” Ernest said quietly, “If you want a Wiggly doll, I can get you a Wiggly doll,”

“Ernest, shut up,” Fiona mumbled, hoping he paid attention to what she said.

“Straight from the manufacturer, wholesale prices,” Ernest said. 

Esme managed to hear him as she began to walk down the stage and towards Ernest and Fiona. “I have no need for your horrid manufacturer,” Esme looked at the people to her sides, the people who adored her, and began to speak directly to them, “Brothers, sisters, there is still one Wiggly doll left in Lakeside Mall, I can feel,” Esme took a deep breath after speaking.

Esme looked at Ernest and Fiona again, “The only hope for extending the sad, hopeless, worthless, lives you lead is to tell me the exact location of our delicious doll,” Esme said as she placed her phone into her purse, pulling out a pocket knife in its place.

“I don’t know,” Ernest said.

“You saw it yourself, bitch, someone took all the fucking dolls already!” Fiona said.

“Little lady, what did you just call me?” Esme said, bringing her pocket knife and attention closer to Fiona.

“Just let us go, for the love of god,” Ernest said. Esme looked back towards him and brought her pocket knife to his throat.

“I’ve met god, darling, he had nothing nice to say about you,” Esme said as she slid her pocket knife across Ernest's throat, letting the blood drip down onto his already blood-soaked shirt and floors of the mall.

“Ernest!” Fiona yelled as her boss dropped to the ground, his blood pouring out everywhere, “What the fuck! What the fuck actual fuck!”

Esme moved over to Fiona, bringing her knife inches away from Fiona's throat. “Listen to me, you ugly little tramp. Now I know you know where that precious Wiggly is,” Esme chuckled and put her hand on Fiona's cheek, “I can smell him on you, darling, it’s perfume to that weed scent,”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Fiona yelled, hoping it hadn’t been clear that she was lying, “You are all so fucked up!”

“She has the lying tongue of a snake!” Someone dressed as a security guard loudly said. Esme looked towards them as they walked to the front of the crowd, a tape in their hand.

“Continue, brother,” Esme said.

The man continued, holding the tape up for everyone to see. “I’ve seen it before, brothers and sisters, on this security camera footage right here. This bitch stole a Wiggly doll, and put in the backpack of a little girl with braids and a baseball cap,”

Friday.

“No, no, no!” Fiona yelled as people from the crowd held her up, tying her hands behind her back, “Please,” Fiona sounded desperate, “Don’t hurt my sister, Friday, please!”

“This little girl stands between you and Wiggly!” Esme yelled as she walked back up to the stage, “Sally forth in the name of Wiggly! Bring me the child!” Esme yelled as she turned on the stage so she’d be facing her crowd of people.

“Darlings, there is no need to be jealous of me,” Esme said loudly, “I do demand your love and worship, but Wiggly loves all of us,”

“Wigglys a fucking doll!” Fiona yelled at Esme.

“Wigglys a god,” Esme said, “He adores me, just like everyone here, and will have nothing nice to say about you,”

Esme's phone began to ring. “Fucking Jerome,” Esme said as she placed her pocket knife into her purse and pulled out the phone, “Darling, I was talking to my worshipers, no need to hang up on me!”

“Now, brothers and sisters, if this little lady won’t adore me by the time we find Wiggly,” Esme said, looking at the crowd of people before looking down to Fiona, “You can destroy her,”


	9. Do You Want to Play?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday does not have a good time.

Chapter 9

**Do You Want to Play?**

The play place had already been taken over when Friday had arrived. There was so much blood, so much bad blood. The lights would occasionally flicker between a green and their normal colour before they completely shut down. The play place had become pitch black. Isadora wasn’t there to tell her a new place to go. Friday was all alone. She had the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll and Isadora's magical hat, but she was still alone in a room that was pitch black and smelled only of blood.

The food court. The food court could be safe. Babbit was telling her it’d be better than the play place. The food court would be safer, brighter, and not smell as awful as the play place had. Friday knew to always trust Babbit. Babbit would never hurt her, the bad people would. The bad people would hurt her just like they had hurt Isadora. Bad Blood. They would have bad blood, be bad blood.

Friday tried to keep quiet as she snuck around to the food court. It had, thankfully, been on the same level as the play place, but was on the opposite side. The lights had not been shut down across the entire floor, only the small space by the play place. However, the rest of the lights had been green, only flickering between the green and their normal shade as Friday walked past. She could hear people screaming as she crept to the other side. Friday had a constant feeling someone was right behind her and going to take her.

“ _ Friday,”  _ Someone creepily said as Friday continued to walk to the food court. She tried to brush off the sound, her name had been a day of the week. It couldn’t be directed at her, if it was Babbit would say something. Babbit wouldn’t let her get hurt just as Isadora had.

The green light coming from the food court was just around the corner. Friday could see the sign that clearly said ‘Food Court’. Babbit never said anything else as Friday walked, she would be safe. Everything would be safe. Isadora or Fiona would come to get her in a little bit until then she just needed to stay safe.

_ “Friday,”  _ A voice, much like the one before, said again. Their tone was eerie, it sounded somewhat sing-songy. The way they said it had given Friday ring-around-a-rosie vibes. She hadn’t liked it. That nursery rhyme had scared her, Babbit said it was bad.

Friday took a deep breath before turning into the food court. No one was there. Babbit didn’t lie. She was safe there. Friday quickly ran under one of the tables and placed the backpack down next to her. The backpack felt weird on her backpack, it was probably what had been in it. The pins were nice, however.

Friday had been able to sit in mostly silence for a while. Babbit was quiet, the creepy voice didn’t say another thing. All Friday did was play with the pins on Fiona's backpack. They were nice to play with, it distracted her.

“Bad blood, Fiona, Wiggly,” Babbit was talking. Friday had still been distracted by the pins, not paying much attention to Babbit. “Bad blood, Fiona, Wiggly,” Babbit repeated and repeated. Friday only began to pay attention by the fifth or fourth “Bad blood, Fiona, Wiggly,”. Almost immediately she felt terrified. She wasn’t safe. Fiona wasn’t safe.

“Fifi,” Friday muttered out as she glanced at each side of the food court. Fiona wasn’t there. No one had been there. She was still alone.

The creepy voice returned. She wasn’t alone.  _ “Friday,”  _ The voice said just as they had the first two times. It sent shivers down Fridays back. She curled into a ball and hoped no one would look at her under the table. The magic hat was supposed to keep her safe, Isadora said she was honest.

“Babbit, I’m scared,” Friday said quietly. Babbit didn’t reply. That had only made Friday more scared, Babbit always replied.

“What’s frying french fries?” Isadora asked. She had been sitting on the ground by Friday like she had been there the whole time.

“Izzy!” Friday moved forward and hugged Isadora. She could feel tears fall down her face, Friday couldn’t tell if it was because of how scared she had been or how happy she had been to see Isadora.

“Who else?” Isadora said as she hugged Friday back, a huge smile spreading across her face. Isadora pulled away from the hug first and wiped the tears away from Friday's face, “Hey, there's no need to cry, french fries, it's safe to come out now!” Isadora said happily. “Do I gotta put a leash on you?”

“Dead,” Babbit said. Friday could tell Babbit was referring to Isadora, but she couldn’t be dead.

Babbit never lied, however.

“Babbit says you...died,” Friday said, allowing more tears to fall down her face. Isadora rested her hand on Friday's cheek, no longer wiping away the tears and looked into Friday's eyes.

Isadora chuckled a bit as she spoke, “I did,” she said as a smile spread across her face. Friday pushed herself away from Isadora. A terrified expression appeared on her face. “Hey, hey, hey, don’t be so scared, french fries, dyin’ ain’t so bad,” Isadora said softly like she had been assuring Friday she would be okay to die any moment. “Guess what?” Isadora asked.

“What?” Friday responded. She hoped for a good answer. All she had wanted was a good answer.

“I’m in the Black and White, with Babbit,” Isadora smiled and clapped her hands together. Friday did nothing. “It’s real nice! It’s just like California, it never rains!” Isadora said as she reached for the backpack that had been resting near Friday.

Quickly, Friday tightly grabbed onto the backpack. Isadora moved her hand back and stared at the backpack, not doing anything else.

“Not Isadora, liar, bad double,” Babbit said to Friday. Isadora didn’t seem to hear it, no one else ever heard Babbit.

Friday pushed herself further away, keeping a tight hold on the backpack. “Not Isadora!” She yelled, her face felt hot as tears began to fall down, “Liar! Bad double!” Friday yelled and cried as she kept pushing herself away.

Isadora moved closer, never being too far away from Friday. “You know they’re coming for you, Friday,” Isadora said in a voice that Friday had never heard before. It was bad. “There’s only one thing you can do!” Isadora began to fade away as she yelled, her voice sounding more different with every word, “You’ve gotta give that doll to a woman in a black cape! She’s real nice, I swear on my own grave,”

Isadora was gone.

Friday moved under a new table, far away from the one she had previously been hiding under, and opened the backpack. The bright green Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll was resting there.

“It’s you,” Friday said as she pulled the doll out. She could feel that the doll was bad.

“Hello, Friday, let’s be paly-wals,” The doll said in a creepy voice that reminded Friday of one she had heard before. “Don’t you want to tickle my tumsy-wumsy?” “

Friday shook her head, “No, Babbit says you’re bad,” Friday said ash she moved the doll further away from her, “She says you’d try to trick me,”

“Well, Babbit is a stupid bitch!” The Tickle-Me-Wiggly said. Friday jumped when she heard it swear, no one ever swore around her besides Isadora and Fiona. “You could’ve served me willingly, but you’re being a rotten, little french fry. I’m going to have to peel you. I’m going to cut you into pieces. I’m going to eat you, Friday. I’m going to eat you right the fuck up!” Tickle-Me-Wiggly said, its voice getting scarier with every sentence. 

Friday threw the doll onto the ground, not too far from her, and curled into a ball once again. She let tears fall down her face as she screamed at the doll. “No! No! No!” Friday yelled as she rocked back and forth.

“Klaus, be careful, those maniacs could be anywhere,” A voice Friday had recognized said. It was Carmelita. Carmelita was Isadora and Fiona's friend, she’d help. She would help Friday get out of the mall.

“Carmelita,” Another voice Friday had recognized said, it was Klaus. Friday knew Klaus would help her too, he was Beatrices’ dad. He wouldn’t hurt her. “Look, it’s a little girl,”

“Bad people,” Babbit said.

Friday went to grab the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll and looked at Klaus and Carmelita. Babbit never lied, but they were good. Friday knew them and they were good people. Klaus would never hurt her, Carmelita would never hurt her either. But, Babbit never lied. They were bad people now. They wanted the Tickle-Me-Wiggly.

“Friday does have a Wiggly,” Carmelita said as a grin spread across her face. Both Carmelita and Klaus moved towards Friday, making her feel unsafe.

Friday held the doll closer to her and moved away from Carmelita and Klaus. “Don’t listen, he’s bad, he’ll trick you!” Friday yelled to the two.

“Don’t worry, Friday, we don’t get tricked. We’re grown-ups,” Klaus said as he continued to walk closer.

“You know you can trust us, we’re good people,” Carmelita said. Friday continued to back away. “Where are you going, sweetheart?” Carmelita asked as she held a hand out, signalling for Friday to stop walking.

“California,” Friday said. She was going to California, Fiona already made the note for their dad and Isadora had gotten the car fixed. They were going to California.

“Did you hear that, Carmelita?” Klaus asked, “She’s goin’ to California,”

“Land of Hollywood and movie stars!” Carmelita said happily, her grin getting bigger.

“That’s an awful long way to go,” Klaus said. He was right, “and that doll looks really heavy,” Klaus was wrong. The doll weighed nothing. “Why don’t you hand it over?” Klaus asked.

“Uh-uh,” Friday moved back even more and held the doll tighter. She didn’t trust grown-ups with the doll. It was bad. They’d hurt her if they had the doll.

“Why are you backing away, Friday?” Klaus said. He kept moving closer. “I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise,”

“Listen,” Klaus said. He sounded more like himself, but Friday still hadn’t trusted him. “I’ve been through hell today trying to get one of those dolls for Beatrice,” Klaus looked towards the ground for a mere second, “I’d do anything for her, absolutely anything,” Klaus looked back up towards Friday, the lights flickering between green and normal even faster. “Even if it means pounding the guts out of her best friend, now give me the fuckin’ doll!” Klaus said as he jumped towards Friday.

“No, no, no, no!” Friday yelled as she ran away from Klaus and Carmelita. She ran as fast as she possibly could.

“Klaus, how could you?” Carmelita yelled to Klaus, Friday could hear them. They weren’t quiet. “You let her get away! You really are a fucking dumbass, aren’t you?”

“Well, I didn’t see you coming up with any good plans!” Klaus yelled back to Carmelita.

“You don’t scream at children, it frightens them!” Carmelita yelled to Klaus before quieting down slightly. Friday was still able to hear them, “You lure them in, delicately, and you put them to sleep,” Carmelita said.

“Yeah, smart,” Klaus said. He pulled something out of his pocket and passed it to Carmelita, it looked like a syringe.

“Little girl,” Carmelita called out as she and Klaus walked around. “Sweetheart, California,”

Friday could see them coming closer to her. She quietly tried to move around, but it was hard not making any noise.

“Do you want to play with me, lovely girl?” Carmelita asked. She was walking away from Friday.

“Do you want some candy?” Klaus asked. He was following Carmelita.

“Let’s play some games, Friday,” Carmelita said, “What are your favourite games? Mines is Clue,”

Friday tried to keep her eyes on Klaus and Carmelita as she made her way to the other side. They were the bad people, she needed to avoid them.

“It’ll be a funny game, don’t worry,” Carmelita said.

Friday took another step forward, she saw a good hiding spot. But, she tripped. Friday had hoped they didn’t hear her trip, but Klaus looked directly at her.

“Carmelita, over there,” Klaus whispered to Carmelita, who proceeded to also turn around and look at Friday.

“Do you want to play with me, lovely girl?” Carmelita asked as she and Klaus made their way to Friday.

“Come here Friday, we’re good people,” Klaus said at the same time, “Come here,”

Friday kept trying to run, but they kept getting closer.

“Do you want some candy?” Carmelita asked.

“Friday, come on, come over here so we can all play a game together,” Klaus said. The lights surrounding Carmelita and him were completely green.

“Let’s play some games today,” Carmelita had lost track of Friday but continued to try to convince her to come closer.

Klaus still had an eye on Friday. She was in a corner. Klaus walked closer and closer, cornering Friday. “It’ll be a funny game,” He said as he grabbed Friday. “I got her, Carmelita, I’ve got her!”

Friday began to scream as loud as she could. She wanted Klaus to let go of her, but he wouldn’t. He held on tightly to her and brought her a bit closer to Carmelita. Klaus lowered Friday to the ground and held her down as Carmelita knelt down and held out her syringe.

“Hold her still!” Carmelita said loudly as she brought the syringe down.

Friday closed her eyes tightly but felt nothing. Nothing hit her leg. No syringe, nothing at all.

“Shit, fuck, shit!” Carmelita yelled, “This is my fucking leg!”

Klaus rolled his eyes at Carmelita before looking down at Friday. He began to try and take the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll away from her.

“No, no, no!” Friday yelled as Klaus managed to take the doll away from her, “He’s bad! He’s bad!”

Klaus didn’t listen.

“Oh, I’ve got it!” Klaus stood up and hugged the doll. “You’re mine now, I’m going to tickle your bellywell,” Klaus said to the doll as he smiled down at it.

The doll began to giggle. “That tickles,” The Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll said.

Carmelita had fallen on top of Friday. Her eyes were closed and she had nearly been asleep, “Hey, Klaus, half of that’s mine,” She mumbled out.

“I’m sorry Carm, it’s all mine,” Klaus said, “But don’t worry, we’ll get you another one later. Right now, all you need is a nap,” Klaus began to walk away with the Tickle-Me-Wiggly.

Friday didn’t know what to say or do. She couldn’t move with Carmelita on top of her legs, no one was there, Babbit wasn’t talking, the magic hat had stopped protecting her. It was bad. Friday wanted Babbit and her magic hat to work.

“Look, it’s the little girl with the backpack!” Someone, Friday had no idea who, said. She could hear that person and another run towards Carmelita and her.

“And who is this?” They said, referring to Carmelita.

“Her protector,” The other person said.

“Another heathen, no doubt, bring her as well!” The first person said. They picked up Carmelita and the other person picked up Friday. “The prophet shall bathe in the blood of all who are unfaithful!”


	10. Made in America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quigley has a fun time.

Chapter 10

**Made in America**

Quigley paid attention to everything the many PEIP agents told him. They had all been talking very fast, however. Some had been talking over each other, making it difficult for Quigley to focus on everything that they were saying. Jacques had asked him every two or three minutes if he understood. Quigley just nodded his head. If he said he didn’t, Jacques could send Violet even if Quigley didn’t want him to.

Violet listened to the PEIP agents with Quigley. She stayed close to him as they spoke. As the fifteen minutes began to come to an end, everyone spoke faster and faster. Violet didn’t understand how Quigley managed to understand everything they were saying. The things they had been explaining weren’t even up his field of interest, it wasn’t likely he had already known any of it.

Beatrice tried to make mental notes on everything the adults from PEIP had been saying. It was all confusing, however. They kept mentioning how to deal with Wiggly, why Quigley should never take his helmet off, the risks of going to the Black and White. It had seemed like they would need Quigley to sign a form of some sort. But, from what Beatrice knew and saw, they never brought one out.

“We have the suit ready,” Someone came to the room and said. Jacques nodded at them and grabbed Quigley's hand, dragging him away from the PEIP agents, Violet, and Beatrice. Jacques brought Quigley to the room containing the suit. He left Quigley outside of the room that held the suit, however. He was not allowed in that room.

Quigley didn’t know what to do when waiting for Jacques. He knew to just stand right by the door, but he didn’t know what he could do when waiting. Quigley fiddled with his fingers and let his thoughts fill his head, it was the option his mind went to first. His thoughts filled with ideas of what the Black and White would be like. Quigley had just imagined a black and white version of their world. But, it could be something more interesting. Thoughts about the fact he could possibly die or go mad also found their way to his mind as well. It was the risks. Quigley hoped he’d make it out fine. He wanted to make it out fine. Isadora couldn’t be the last Quagmire triplet left alive.

When Quigley, Isadora, and Duncan were younger they all promised they’d never let each other die. But, Duncan died. He got into a car crash and was the one person who didn’t make it out alive. Quigley didn’t get to see him in the hospital, he was sure Isadora didn’t either. The last time he saw Duncan was the wedding, Duncan's wedding.

Duncan smiled the entire time. Quigley couldn’t remember a second when he stopped smiling. Duncan had been so happy. Isadora and Quigley were happy he was happy. When Duncan got married, it left Quigley as the only unmarried Quagmire. They joked about it at the wedding. Quigley thought it was funny.

If Quigley knew that was the last time he’d see Duncan, the last time he’d see his brother, he would have acted differently. He probably would’ve cried more, hugged him more, talked to him even more. Quigley would do more of everything. Isadora likely would too.

One of the last times Quigley had seen Isadora was the funeral. She became distant after that, or maybe he became distant. One of them became distant after Duncan's funeral. Quigley hadn’t seen Isadora in quite some time because of it. He would have to meet up with her after this. They could get coffee at Beanies and talk about things. Talk about life, how Quigley finally got a girlfriend, how Fiona was doing, how they were doing. It’d be nice to talk to her.

Everything was different than when they were younger. Quigley could remember thinking he’d always be close with his siblings, nothing would tear them apart. When their parents died, they got closer. Quigley and Duncan played parts in Isadora's wedding. They all went on vacation with each other during the summer. Quigley and Duncan would go to Isadora's and Fiona's apartment for dinner. When Duncan and Klaus started dating, Isadora and Quigley knew right away. They would joke about it. When Fiona lost her job, Quigley and Duncan helped Isadora and her. Isadora and Quigley played parts in Duncan and Klaus’ wedding. Then, Duncan died.

“Quigley,” Jacques said. Quigleys head jerked up as Jacques spoke. “Put the suit on,” Jacques passed Quigley the suit.

Quigley nodded and stepped into the suit, putting it on over-top of what he was already wearing. Jacques helped him zip up the back of the suit and brought him back to the room they had previously been in.

Violet and Beatrice had been sitting down, talking to one another when Quigley and Jacques walked in. Both girls ran over to Quigley and hugged him.

“You look like a weird astronaut,” Beatrice said in a joking tone. Quigley chuckled at what she said.

“I have to agree with Beatrice,” Violet said.

Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice stayed in their group hug as Jacques and other members of PEIP began to show identification and put codes into the door that Quigley assumed would lead to the Black and White or PEIPS portal to the Black and White.

Quigley didn’t want the hug to end. But, it had to. And it did end once Jacques pulled Quigley away, gave him and final few instructions, and passed him the helmet he’d wear.

“Can I talk to Quigley before he goes?” Violet asked just as PEIP agents began to move computers and set up their radios.

“One minute,” Jacques said to Violet, who simply nodded in response.

Violet walked towards Quigley and signalled for him to take the helmet off. At first, all she did was smile at him.

“Promise me you won’t die,” Violet said after a minute. She wasn’t the type of person to like promises, but she needed Quigley to promise her that. That he wouldn’t die.

“You don’t like promises,” Quigley responded. He knew that about Violet.

“I know, but can you still promise me that?” Violet asked, hoping he would.

“I promise I won’t die,” Quigley said, smiling slightly as he spoke.

Violet smiled back and quickly pulled Quigley into another hug. She felt like crying. Violet understood why, but she didn’t want to cry.

“I love you, be safe,” Violet said. She kissed Quigley before walking back towards Beatrice.

Quigley was shocked and so happy. She loved him. Violet loved him. Quigley loved her too. He would’ve said it back if he hadn’t been so shocked. Violet said ‘I love you’, he had every right to be shocked. Shocked and extraordinarily happy.

Quigley kept his eyes on Violet, smiling like an idiot until Jacques reminded him he had to go into the other room. That he’d have to go to the Black and White now. Quigley quickly placed his helmet on and stepped into the room.

“Quigley, move to the centre of the room. Right in front of the portal,” Jacques said into his radio.

Quigley didn’t respond for a minute. “Did it,” Quigley said. He had still been alive.

“All right, Quigley, beginning inter-dimensional convergence with the Black and White,” Jacques said into his radio. All the PEIP agents began doing something.

“Jacques,” Quigley said, his voice shaky, “I’m scared,”

“No need to be scared,” Jacques replied, “We are not sending you in there half-cocked. We have a hydrogen bomb ready to deploy into the Black and White if necessary,”

“I don’t feel well,” Quigley said.

“Quigley, the greatest strategic value of nuclear weapons has always been deterrence. Wiggly is a being who has never contemplated his own annihilation,” Jacques said. He seemed like he was beginning to get annoyed with all of Quigleys talking. “If threatened with such, he may retreat from our reality. Good luck and godspeed,”

Violet could hear a machine whirring from the other room. It was happening.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Quigley took a deep breath before closing his eyes. He didn’t want to see what was going to happen. After Quigley stopped hearing the noise, he opened his eyes. It was pitch black. Quigley couldn’t see anything. He felt around for his flashlight, which he managed to find, and turn it on. It hadn’t helped much as the light coming from it was green, but it helped enough.

It was cold. Colder than he thought. Quigley imagined the Black and White having the same temperatures as where he had last been. But it was cold.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay,” Quigley whispered to himself. “Just breathe and you’ll be fine,” Quigley walked forward a little, there was nothing there.

“Quigley, do you copy?” Jacques said. Quigley's radio had been very static, but he knew it was Jacques talking.

“Yeah, yeah I copy,” Quigley responded, “I can hear you,”

“What do you see?” Jacques asked.

He saw nothing.

“I see uh,” Quigley took a moment before speaking again, “Nothing, an enormous amount of nothing,”

No one responded to Quigley.

“Hello? Hello?” Quigley said, worry filling his voice, “Can you still hear me?”

No one responded again.

“Deep breaths Quigley, you’ll be fine,” Quigley mumbled to himself.

He took a couple of more steps forward before deciding it was an okay enough time to try and see if he was close to Wiggly.

“Hello,” Quigley said, “My name is Quigley Quagmire. I’m a person who lives in Hatchetfield, nothing special. I would like to speak to the entity known as Wiggly,”

No one responded.

“There's nothing here,” Quigley said, “There's nothing, I’m alone,” Quigley began to rock back and forth on his feet, “I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home,”

“Oh Quigley,” Someone said. It wasn’t someone from the radio. “Quigley, Quigley, Quigley,”

“Who's here?” Quigley asked loudly, pointing his flashlight around. “Who the hell is here?”

“Calm down, Quigley,” Jacques said. He was back. He was talking. “You have to-” Jacques began to cut out.

“Jacques, I can’t hear you!” Quigley said, “Can you hear me? Can anyone hear me?”

Quigley could see a bit of light, it was a bit further ahead of him. It was a green light, like his flashlight. He followed it until he saw a man.

“How are you, Mr.Quagmire,” The person said.

“Who are you?” Quigley asked nervously. He didn't get an answer to his question.

“Do you know why it had to be a doll?” The person said as they took a bite of an apple. Quigley shook his head in response. “It all boils down to belief, it's a powerful thing,”

The man began to walk closer to Quigley. “You see, people don’t believe in shit-infested governments anymore. No matter who wins, people get the same thing. The poor get poorer, the rich get richer,”

Quigley didn’t understand why the man was talking about the government, but he didn’t want to interrupt.

“Swamped in student debts, credit card debt, medical bills, the people have been abandoned by everything! Don’t you agree, Mr.Quagmire?” The man continued to talk, a grin now spreading across his face, “Everything except products,” The man began to laugh.

“That’s the only comfort people like you have left!” The man dropped his apple to the ground and put an arm around Quigley. “You could’ve been Wigglys greatest ally. Everyone in Hatchetfield could’ve been. All you people care about is products, products, products,”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why can’t we hear him?” Beatrice asked Jacques and Frank. Neither answered her. “What’s happening?”

“We’re losing him,” Frank said.

“As in, we lost connection with him?” Violet asked. She hoped Frank hadn’t meant losing him in the other way she thought of. Quigley promised he wouldn’t die.

“Quigley?” Frank said into the radio he had taken from Jacques, “Quigley, do you copy?”

Jacques turned to look at Frank. “Frank, I know what must be done,” Jacques said as he stood up and began to walk away.

“You can’t do that Jacques!” Frank yelled, “You can’t do what I think you’re going to do,”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Only in America could Wiggly take root!” The man moved his arm away from Quigley and began to walk around. Quigley followed him. “You think that in the Netherlands they’d give a shit about some toy?”

“No?” Quigley responded. He didn’t know the answer to this question.

“Correct! They’re too busy enjoying their paid vacations, and the free healthcare!” The man said. His grin grew wider as he spoke, “People like the ones in Hatchetfield empowered Wiggly, they invited him in!”

The man stopped walking and looked directly at Quigley. His grin had disappeared. “And now, you’re coming into Wigglys house and making demands,”

“I didn’t-” Quigley tried to say before getting cut off.

“Did you think that you could outsmart him?” The man asked. “He’s the very thing that runs through the blood of your kind!”

“I don’t, uh, I don’t,” Quigley didn’t know what to say.

“People would give up their will and pride for Wiggly, yet you wouldn’t,” The man walked closer to Quigley. “You turned off every ad, you were disgusted by the most powerful being,”

Quigley tried to back away, but he felt stuck where he was standing.

“There is no way you’ll be saved, Mr.Quagmire,” The man said, “Now, behold the depths of depravity and decay!”

Everything turned from pitch black to a green colour.

“Your time is running out before the worlds collide,” The man smiled. Quigley could see people that reminded him of the Sniggles from the Tickle-Me-Wiggly ads running towards him. “The apocalypse is here, buddy, it came with Wiggly” The man whispered.

“I know, you’re probably asking ‘Why is it a doll?’, well, that’s all it takes,” The man said as the green light got a bit brighter, “When you’re made in American, the precious valley of silicon,”

The man pushed Quigley around a bit. Quigley closed his eyes for a split second. When he opened them again, the man was standing on top of some boxes and Sniggles were all lined up to the side of him.

“Welcome to Wigglys shop, your America assembly line,” The man said, “We got toys and trucks and many more things that will help you pass the time,”

The man jumped off the boxes. Quigley moved slightly closer to him. He noticed all the Sniggles were holding a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll.

“Y’know kids these days grow up with all the bullshit they want,” The man said to Quigley, “If you just sprinkle it with dust and a gob of fucking lust, you can wave your world goodbye,”

Quigley was confused by that but said nothing.

_“Wiggly,”_

_“Wiggly,”_

_“Wiggle,”_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wiggly_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wig”_

All the Sniggles had begun to sing. Quigley hated it. It reminded him of a musical. He hated musicals.

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wiggle”_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wiggly”_

_“Wig”_

Quigley tried to back away once again, but he couldn’t move. His feet felt like they were glued to the ground.

“Hello, Quiggy-Quigs,” A voice that had sounded like the Wiggly dolls said. Quigley looked above the Sniggles and saw a pair of huge, glowing, green eyes. “Welcome to drowsy-town!”

“It’s you,” Quigley said nervously.

“Don’t be frightened, you’re my bestest buddy-wud,”

“No, no, I’ve come to tell you to leave,”

“Leave, just before the holidays? It’s going to be my birthday, you know?”

“Leave us alone, please,”

“I wouldn’t want to miss opening all my presents. I think I’ll start with you!”

“No,”

The Sniggles began to move closer to Quigley. The man who had been doing all the talking before stayed by the glowing eyes.

“I think I’m going to cut open your belly-well, and deck the halls with your gutsy-wutsies!”

Quigley dropped to the ground and the Sniggles began to surround him. That's how he was going to die. By a bunch of kids toy mascots.

“Enough!” Jacques yelled. He was there! Jacques was there!

“Jacques!” Quigley yelled at Jacques.

“You,” Wiggly said, sounding rather annoyed.

“Your minions may do no harm to me, Wiggly,” Jacques said as he walked closer to Quigley, “I cut through them with a blade of truth!”

Quigley hugged Jacques the moment the Sniggles left him alone. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I fucked it all up, Jacques,”

“Don’t worry Quigley, come on, let’s get you out of here right now,” Jacques pulled away from the hug and began to help Quigley walk away.

“It’s too late, Jacques,” The man from the beginning yelled. “Wigglys prophet has been chosen, once she gets a doll, she will bring about his birth!”

“It is never too late, Armstrong,” Jacques replied.

“All you need to fill your heart is a Wiggly,” Armstrong said, “And, it already is too late for some people, like Mr.Klaus Baudelaire,”

“What do you mean?” Quigley asked, “What happened to Klaus?”

“The apocalypse is here in a package that preys on the worst of your fears,” Armstrong grinned as he talked, “The gambit is done, it’s a work of art, that was made in America,”

Jacques turned away from Armstrong and dragged Quigley back to the portal. He said nothing throughout their short walk. Quigley kept apologizing, he fucked it all up.

“There, the portal,” Jacques said. He pushed Quigley closer towards it, “You must go, Quigley!”

“What about you?” Quigley asked.

“Return is no longer an option for me,” Jacques said as he stepped away from Quigley, “Without a suit, my body has already begun to dematerialize. My spirit will be absorbed into the Black and White,” Jacques said, “I’ll do what I can from here, it’s been an honour to serve,”

“Sure,” Quigley said. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and stepped into the portal.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Quigley opened his eyes the second he thought he was back. He quickly ran towards the door and opened it, throwing his helmet off as soon as he entered the other room.

“Quigley!” Violet yelled the second she saw him. He wasn’t dead.

“Uncle Quigley!” Beatrice ran to Quigley and hugged him.

“Hey, are you okay? What happened” Violet said once she was close to Quigley.

Frank lightly pushed Violet and Beatrice away from Quigley. He helped him walk to a chair and take a seat. “Quigley, is everything alright? Where’s Jacques?”

“Deploy the nuke,” Quigley said, tears began to fall from his eyes, “That thing is terrible,”

“Quigley, what happened?” Violet said as she took a seat next to Quigley.

“What about Jacques?” Frank asked.

“Please, destroy that fucking place,” Quigley looked at Frank and said.

“Jacques is still in there, I can’t,” Frank told Quigley.

“He’s gone,” Quigley said, “You have to kill Wiggly, now,”

“Deploying the nuclear bomb,” A different PEIP agent said.

Quigley took a deep breath once they said that. The doll, thing, whatever the fuck, was going to be destroyed.

“It is entering the Black and White,” The PEIP agent said.

“Bea, come here,” Violet said, patting the chair next to her.

“Uncle Quigley, what happened?” Beatrice asked. She wanted a good answer for once that day.

“Detonation in five, four, three, two, one,” The PEIP agent said.

There was no sound. Quigley heard nothing come from the room that held the portal to the Black and White. If a bomb had gone off, they should’ve heard something. He should’ve heard something.

“Did it go off?” Beatrice asked the confused looking PEIP agent, “Where's the explosion?”

“Uh-oh, Quiggy-Quigs,” It was Wiggly, “It seems you misplaced your bomby-wom. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll show up somewhere,”

“What does he mean, Frank?” Violet asked.

“How the hell do you misplace a bomb?” Beatrice asked, “Aren’t those things huge?”

“Frank,” The PEIP agent responsible for the bomb said, “It seems there's been an explosion on the Eurasian continent,”

“What?” Frank asked.

“Moscow is gone, sir,” The PEIP agent said.

“How is Moscow gone?” Beatrice asked, “You were trying to blow up the Black and White,”

“Fucking hell,” Frank said, “The Russians had their own portal,”

“I have friendy-wends all over the world,” Wiggly said, “When my uncle Armstrong told the Russians about America's new toy, they just had to have one of their own,”

“He knew,” Quigley said.

“Wiggly wanted us to send in the nuke. He took the bomb and pushed it through the Russian portal,” Frank said. “He baited us into war,”

“I didn’t want that to happen,” Quigley said.

“We know, it’s okay Quigley,” Violet said, although she knew it wasn’t okay.

“I didn’t know there was another portal,” Quigley shook his head, “No one told me there was another portal,”

“There was two doors, not one,” Beatrice said. She felt like she had heard someone say that before, but she wasn’t sure.

“Quigley, Violet, Beatrice,” Frank said, “You must leave right now, go back to your house,”

“Thank you so much for visiting my home,” Wiggly said as Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice were being ushered out of the building, “I can’t wait to visit yours,”


	11. Only my Ashes Will See the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fiona has a fun time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snickets get guns

Chapter 11

**Only my Ashes Will See The Sea**

Esme had made the bald man responsible for Fiona. He was in charge of what would happen to her and where they would store her until they found a Wiggly doll. The bald man, although in-charge, didn’t know where to put Fiona. All he had managed to do was walk her away from the group and have a pocket knife, which Esme had given him, pointed at Fiona as they walked away.

“End of the line, infidel,” The bald man said. He had walked Fiona over to a children's play-place, one which had been covered in blood. It was horrifying to see. “May your death throes echo through Drowsy Town to awaken the wiggly one,” The bald man brought the knife closer to Fiona's throat.

Fiona would’ve fought him if he hadn’t tied her hands up. She didn’t like what was happening. The feeling of having a knife to her throat was one Fiona hated. The bald man was also a person Fiona would not want to be stuck with, but she was.

“Come on, dude, it’s me, Fiona” Fiona hadn’t known the bald man's actual name, if she had she would’ve said it instead of dude, “I’ve seen you at Toy Zone every week since I started working there. Haven’t I always helped you out?”

The bald man stayed in his spot behind Fiona and started to talk to her, “You’re in retail, it’s your job to help me out,”

He was right. It was her job to help people out.

“Well, it’s not my job to do favours,” Fiona said, “Who set aside those barbies so you could get them before the little kids they were made for?”

The bald man moved the knife slightly away from Fiona's throat.

“You?” He said.

Fiona nodded her head and took a couple of quick breaths before speaking again, “Yeah, and if you let me go, I’ll help you again,” Fiona said. She hoped she wouldn’t regret saying that.

“You have barbies?” The bald man smiled as he whispered to Fiona.

Fiona kept nodding her head, “If you let me loose and don’t let Esme hurt Friday, I’ll give you all the fucking barbies your sick, little heart desires,” Fiona said quickly.

“I don’t know if there are enough barbies in the world for that,” The bald man said as he brought his knife back towards Fiona's throat, fiddling with it slightly.

Fiona went quiet. She needed to think of something. If she didn’t, he could kill her. Fiona hadn’t wanted to die at that moment.

“Well, there's some ponies in the back,” Fiona said.

“You have ponies?” The bald man's smile grew wider as he spoke.

“Yeah, yeah there's ponies in the back room,” Fiona quickly said, “I was supposed to send them back because they fucked up the colours and shit,”

“One of a kind mispaints?” The bald man said. He moved so his face would be closer to Fionas and brought the knife even closer to her throat, “You better not be fucking with me,”

“No, no,” Fiona said, trying to move her head away from the knife, “Not to a loyal customer,”

“Okay,” The bald man pulled the knife away and went to untie Fiona's hands, “Take me to the barbies and ponies, then I’ll kill you later,”

“Okay,” Fiona smiled as she felt her hands get untied, “Thank you, so much,”

Fiona turned to face the bald man once he finished untying her hands. “Oh, about those mispaints,” Fiona said as she kicked him, causing him to drop to the ground, “I threw them in the fucking trash!”

The bald man stayed on the ground, tripping Fiona as she tried to walk away. Fiona fell. She tried to get up, but the bald man got up faster than her and put her in a headlock before she got the chance to get away.

“When they mess up the colours, it makes them more valuable!” The bald man yelled and moved one of his hands so he could hold the pocketknife. One quick move and he could slit her throat. “Those are collector's items and you killed them! And now, I’m going to kill you!”

Fiona began to feel unable to breathe. The bald man was choking her. He could've quickly slit her throat, but he chose instead to choke her. He was going to kill her and then rest of Esme's cult, religion, whatever the fuck was going to kill Friday. Fiona failed her. She promised Friday she’d get her to California, that she’d be safer there, and now she was dying. But, Isadora could still take her. She’d have to take her.

They were still in the mall, Isadora and Friday. They weren’t safe. Fiona hoped they were in a better situation than she was, but they likely weren’t. Almost everyone in the mall would be trying to find the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. Friday had it, which made her unsafe. Isadora would have to still be with Friday, she wasn’t safe either. No one was safe in that mall.

Fiona hoped Klaus got out, that he didn’t get placed under whatever spell Wiggly had. He still had Beatrice. Beatrice had Karen, but Karen was about as good as Fiona’s father. If Klaus didn’t get out, maybe Isadora could Beatrice to California as well.

Is this exactly how she was going to die, by being chocked in a fucking mall? Fiona was sure it was. She barely felt like she could breathe anymore. There's something that's beautiful about being awake for your own funeral. Horrifically beautiful.

At least, her ashes could still see the sea. It wouldn’t be the same. Fiona knew that, but it was something.

The thought of Friday kept coming to Fiona's mind. She’d have to be okay without her. Although they were sisters, there was a big age gap. Thirty-three and fourteen. Fiona tried to parent Friday, her dad wouldn’t do shit for her and Fridays mom wasn’t in the picture. She could’ve done better. Friday deserved a better life. Fiona wanted Friday to have a good life and not end up like her. Isadora could help Friday, let her have a better life, it was just a shame Fiona wouldn’t get to see it.

Maybe, she needed Friday more than Friday needed her.

Being choked to death took too long. Fiona wanted it to end quicker. Quicker and in a way that didn’t hurt. Maybe not a death exactly like Ernests'. but something close. That way would probably be less painful and quick, just like Fiona wanted. A quick, painless death would do.

Fiona thought she could hear people coming over, but she had stopped paying attention. Her thoughts were better than the bloody play place she was going to die in.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Violet had taken Jacques' taxi. The keys were left in the car, anyone could have stolen it. She knew they were supposed to head home, but she had a slightly different plan. They would just make a quick stop at the mall.

“Auntie Vi,” Beatrice said as she leaned forward in her seat, “You turn right to go to the house,”

Violet kept her eyes on the road as she responded to Beatrice, “We’re making one quick pit-stop,”

“But isn’t Russia gonna bomb us?” Beatrice asked. That had been what she gained from Frank. That they had accidentally bombed Russia and Russia was likely going to bomb them back.

“Well, don’t you wanna see your dad?”

“Isn’t he dead?”

“No one said he was,”

“I think he is,”

“I think he's alive and at the mall,”

Beatrice went quiet after that. Violet was clearly just saying that because she's an adult and adults lie to kids if it makes them happy. Her mom, Karen, lied all the time. She said that Beatrice would get to see her dads more often, she said that Beatrice could go to Disneyland with her dads, she said that Beatrice could go to her papas funeral. She lied all the time.

“I can bring Jacques' gun to keep us safe since the riots are probably still going on,” Violet said as she pulled into the nearly full mall parking lot.

“Why would Jacques keep a gun in a taxi?” Beatrice asked. She undid her seat belt and leaned forward.

Violet opened the small compartment between Quigley's seat and hers, the gun had been there. “Every Snicket keeps a gun somewhere,”

“Where's your gun?” Beatrice asked, wondering where Violet would’ve stored her gun.

“It's somewhere,” Violet said as she loaded the gun and placed it in her jacket pocket.

Violet looked over to Quigley, who had been silent almost the entire drive, and placed her hand on top of his. His hand tensed up slightly, but other than that he had no reaction. Quigley continued to just stare out his window.

“Hey,” Violet said. Quigley looked over at her, “You okay?”

Quigley was quiet for a moment.

“I’m the reason Jacques died,” Quigley finally said. He looked like he had been ready to start crying once again.

“Quigley, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Violet told Quigley, “He went in that portal by choice, no one forced him to go in,”

“Yeah, and it was Wiggly who killed him,” Beatrice added.

“If I didn’t-” Quigley started to say.

“If you keep blaming yourself I’m going to make you spend a day with my dad,” Violet said.

“Why is that a bad thing?” Beatrice asked, not understanding why spending time with a good dad could be bad.

“My dad lives in a large storage unit and likes to predict how the universe will end,” Violet looked at Beatrice and said.

“Did he predict it being a doll?” Beatrice asked Violet.

“No, he thinks it’s gonna end because of musicals though,” Violet sighed as she thought about all of her dad's weird theories.   


“I think I’d get along with your dad,” Quigley quietly said.

Violet shook her head, “You wouldn’t, he likes musicals too much,”.

“How can he like musicals and think that they’re gonna destroy the world?” Beatrice asked quickly.

“He’s an interesting person,” Violet said. She moved her hand away from Quigleys and pressed the button to unlock the doors in the taxi. “Ready to go into the mall?”

“Yeah, but you should let me have the gun,” Beatrice said as she opened her door.

“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting the rest of our lives,” Quigley mumbled as he stepped out of the car. He didn't know where he had heard that before, but it felt right to say.

“But we’re all ready, right?” Violet asked.

“Yeah,” Quigley nodded. He stayed close to Violet as they walked closer to the mall.

The mall seemed weirder than before. The outside looked normal, but through every window, there was green light. Some windows also had blood on them. If you didn’t look closely, it seemed like a normal mall. But, if you looked closely, you’d see it wasn’t normal.

“Both of you better stay close to me or I will shoot you,” Violet looked at Quigley and Beatrice as she spoke. Both nodded. Violet proceeded to try and open the doors to the mall, but they were locked.

“Shit,” Violet said under her breath as she continued to push on the mall's front doors.

“Give me the gun,” Beatrice held her hand out.

“Your thirteen,” Violet said.

“I’m almost fourteen,” Beatrice told Violet, “Can I please have the gun?”

“Klaus would kill me if I gave you a gun,”

“Just give me the gun!”

“You’re not getting the gun, Beatrice,”

“Okay, okay, okay, okay,” Beatrice said. She moved her hand away from Violet and stood still for a moment before she started to try and grab the gun from Violet.

Beatrice managed to take the gun and hit the glass door repeatedly with it. The glass fell onto the ground, and soon there was a hole big enough for Quigley, Violet, and Beatrice to all enter.

“That's all I needed it for,” Beatrice whispered as she passed the gun back to Violet.

“Smart,” Violet said. She stepped through the door first, Beatrice followed her, and then Quigley went in.

The three kept quiet in the mall. The lights flickered between a green and normal. There was much more blood than any of them thought there would be. Most stores were full, it was odd considering it was Black Friday. The only store that looked like it was empty was Toy Zone. It looked destroyed on the inside.

Violet led the group around the mall. She kept the gun out in case she needed to use it. Violet hadn’t wanted to shoot anyone, but she would if she had to.

The group had gotten to the second floor without hearing too much noise. They had almost gotten to the third floor when someone started to talk. Someone started to talk about ponies.

“Should we go closer to the sound,” Beatrice quietly asked Violet and Quigley.

Suddenly, someone else yelled. Violet had thought she had heard the person before, but she wasn’t sure. Quigley knew he had heard the person before. He had had full conversations with them.

It was Fiona.

“Auntie Fiona,” Beatrice seemed to know who the person was as well, “We have to help her,”

“Isadora would hate us if we didn’t,” Quigley whispered to Violet and Beatrice.

Violet nodded her head and walked closer to where the yelling had come from. Quigley and Beatrice stayed behind her, both protecting each other. Fiona and the person with her had both stopped talking, making it harder to find them. However, Violet continued to walk in the direction she believed they were in.

Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice turned a corner to the play-place, which had been covered in blood, and saw someone choking Fiona. Her face had started to lose colour and her eyes were shut.

“I’m going to kill you,” The person choking Fiona said.

Without fully thinking, Violet aimed her gun at the person and shot them. They let go of Fiona and fell to the ground. They mumbled something that no one had completely understood before going quiet and dying.

“Auntie Fiona!” Beatrice said as she went to hug Fiona.

Fiona had seemed to still be in shock when Beatrice first hugged her. She did hug her back after a moment though.

“Fiona,” Violet said as she walked closer to her, “Hey, uh, I’m Violet. What the fuck is going on?”

“Hi, what just happened?” Fiona asked, ignoring Violet's question.

“Oh, Auntie Violet shot the man who was choking you,” Beatrice said as if it were a very normal thing.

“Have you seen Friday or Isadora?” Fiona asked. Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice shook their heads.

“Have you seen Klaus?” Violet asked. Fiona shook her head.

“I haven’t, but there's a cult of people who wanted a Wiggly upstairs,” Fiona said, “Carmelita and him are either apart of it or they left,"

“A cult?” Violet asked, not believing what she was hearing.

“Or some bullshit religion, whatever you wanna call it,” Fiona said.

“Would Isadora be there?” Quigley asked.

“I don’t think so,” Fiona said, “We only wanted a Wiggly to sell and Isadora promised she'd stay with Friday,"

“Well, Fiona, can you explain why the lights are flickering and why there would be a Tickle-Me-Wiggly cult?” Violet asked.

“Um, Wiggly took over and that bitch, Esme Squalor, started a religion and they’re-” Fiona remembered what Esme said. She was after Friday. “Give me the gun,”

“Why?” Violet asked.

“Esme wants to get my sister because she has a Wiggly in her backpack,” Fiona told Violet as she stood up.

“Guys,” Quigley said quietly.

“Some bitch is after Friday?” Beatrice asked.

"Language," Violet said to Beatrice.

“Yeah, yeah and Isadora if she's still here,” Fiona told Beatrice.

“Should we kill the bitch that's after Friday? Auntie Violet has a gun,” Beatrice asked.

“Guys,” Quigley said a little bit louder than before.

“We can’t just kill anyone,” Violet told Beatrice, "And language,"

“I’d recommended killing her,” Fiona said, “I’m pretty sure she possessed her entire cult following,”

“Guys,” Quigley said as he started to point to a person walking down the mall staircase, “Klaus has a Tickle-Me-Wiggly,”


	12. If I Fail You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus has a fun time
> 
> (So do Quigley and Fiona, but they already had a fun time)

Chapter 12

**If I Fail You**

“Klaus,” Violet said as she walked towards her brother, “Hey, you okay?”

Klaus didn’t respond, instead, he continued to walk down the staircase and mumble to himself. He was holding a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll close to him which worried Quigley. Wiggly had said Klaus wasn’t okay. It said it was too late.

“Dad?” Beatrice was quickly walking towards Klaus. She was trying to make him respond to her, but he wasn’t.

“Wiggly will wiggle,” Klaus said, just quiet enough for Beatrice to barely hear him.

“What do you mean?” Beatrice asked, “Dad, what do you mean?”

“He will wiggle tonight,” Klaus said in a monotone voice.

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Beatrice looked away from Klaus and asked the other adults what was wrong. She knew they probably wouldn’t know exactly what was wrong, but maybe they knew something. They had to know something.

“Klaus put the doll down,” Violet demanded.

Klaus stopped walking for a second. “Leave me alone, Violet,” Klaus said. His voice was no longer monotone but was filled with anger.

“Turn around right now Klaus and put the doll down,” Violet said, trying her hardest to sound like an older sister.

Klaus stayed still for a moment before turning around. He glared at all of them before shifting his focus to the gun.

“Just let me go home,” Klaus said, “I’ve had a shitty day and I’d appreciate it if none of you shot me,”

“Dad, please put down the doll,” Beatrice asked.

Klaus seemed different. He had seemed different to Beatrice since Duncan, her papa, died. But, he was just sadder. Beatrice wanted to make him happy. That was what Duncan and she did after Sunny died, they tried to make him happy. Her dad still seemed sad a lot, but he was happy sometimes. The happiest Beatrice had ever seen him was during his and Duncan's wedding. She was happy too. Duncan had told her that after the honeymoon, Klaus and he would find a way to get full custody of her. No more Karen. But, Duncan died. Klaus just got sad, he didn’t try to get full custody of her. Or, maybe he did and Karen just never told Beatrice. It wouldn’t be surprising.

But, the way he seemed now was different than all that. Beatrice didn’t know how exactly to describe it, but it was weird. Weird and Odd.

“No,” Klaus said.

“Klaus Louis Baudelaire put the fucking doll down,” Fiona said.

“Klaus, please,” Quigley added.

“You just want it for yourself!” Klaus yelled to Fiona and Quigley.

“I don't wanna green-elmo for myself!” Fiona yelled back.

“I’m leaving and I’m giving this doll to Beatrice,” Klaus said. He started to walk down the stairs once again.

“I don’t want the doll!” Beatrice told Klaus.

“Of course you do,” Klaus looked at Beatrice, “You told me you wanted it,”

“I never did,” Beatrice replied, “The dolls terrible,”

“But we were gonna try to win one when we go to the arcade,” Klaus shook his head as he spoke.

“We’ve never gone to the arcade,” Beatrice said, “The flashy lights are annoying,”

“Then you said you wanted one this morning,” Klaus said.

“I never said anything about a Tickle-Me-Wiggly this morning,” Beatrice told Klaus. She moved closer and closer to her dad as she spoke.

“Why else would I be here?” Klaus asked as he tightened his grip on the Tickle-Me-Wiggly, “I know that you wanted this!”

“Deep breaths, dad, deep breaths,” Beatrice tried to say in a calm voice.

“Hey Klaus, let me tell you something I know,” Fiona said as she moved down to where Beatrice was, “I’ve been working at Toy Zone for two years now, I know what kids are like. When that Wiggly campaign came out, you know how many kids asked about it?”

“A bunch. Wigglys a popular toy,” Klaus said.

“No, not a single kid asked about it,” Fiona replied, “Remember the line from this morning? No kids were in it,”

“It's a school day,” Klaus told Fiona.

“It's thanksgiving break, Dad,” Beatrice said to Klaus.

“Listen, the thing about Wiggly that nobody has talked about is that kids don't want that piece of shit!” Fiona said, her voice getting louder.

“No, but kids do want it,” Klaus looked at the doll and then Fiona.

“Klaus, they’re all into fucking animal crossing,” Fiona said.

“That's true,” Beatrice added.

“I mean, Friday couldn’t get further away from that thing. She hates it,” Fiona said as she remembered how reluctant Friday was to take the backpack, “Whatever spell that doll casts, it doesn’t work on kids,”

“Then why are you not trying to get the Wiggly,” Beatrice asked Fiona.

“I’m high,” Fiona told Beatrice, “But I uh, I think I know why that dolls bullshit doesn’t work on kids,”

“It's attracted to sad people,” Beatrice interrupted Fiona and said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Fiona nodded at what Beatrice said, “Klaus, I know Duncan died and you’re trying really hard to make up for it,”

“But that's something you want,” Beatrice interrupted Fiona once again, “I don’t blame you for anything,”

“You think Wiggly can fix this hole, but it can’t. That's the trick,” Fiona said.

“That's how he works, he promises to fix all the problems, but he doesn’t,” Violet said. She thought she was starting to wrap her head around the whole Wiggly deal.

“Exactly! That's why it works on most adults because we’re all fucked up,” Fiona added, “We need more...more shit to fill all these holes,”

“Yeah, you’re all like forty and have a lot more problems,” Beatrice said.

“Klaus, do you understand what we're saying?” Violet asked.

Klaus shook his head.

“Wigglys a lie,” Quigley said. He was prepared to give his whole talk about why Tickle-Me-Wiggly is terrible, but he didn’t. “It's terrible and it lies. Klaus, it said it was too late to help you, but it isn’t,”

“He said it was too late to help Klaus?” Violet quietly asked Quigley. He hadn’t told her that's what Wiggly said.

“Dad, I think you’re scared,” Beatrice said, “Because Wiggly, it won’t help us, it's a doll,”

Klaus started to cry and dropped to the ground. He stopped holding the Wiggly close to him. He dropped it to the ground beside him. Beatrice ignored the doll, instead, sitting down next to her dad and hugging him. She thought it would help and maybe make him the tiniest bit happy.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Klaus repeated the words as he cried.

“It’s okay, Dad,” Beatrice assured Klaus.

“I’m a terrible dad,” Klaus shook his head and continued to cry.

Klaus was sure of that. He had been a terrible dad. Beatrice deserved a better one, she deserved her papa. Duncan was good at being a dad. He knew how to fix all the little things that happened. Klaus knew, but he wasn’t good at it. He tried his best, but Duncan was just always a bit better. Or, Klaus thought he was always a little bit better. He wasn’t sure what Beatrice thought. This week was the first time he’d seen her in a year, he didn’t know how much she changed. She still liked musicals, Beatrice would always like musicals.

Does Beatrice think he doesn’t even bother trying to be a good dad? Is he bad enough for her to think that? Klaus hoped she knew that he was trying. He was failing, but he was trying. Maybe she's happier with Karen. Klaus wouldn’t know if she was or wasn’t, but he had a feeling that maybe she is. Beatrice rarely talked about her mom, but she spent more time with her. Maybe Karen wasn’t failing at knowing what Beatrice needed and when Beatrice needed her. Klaus thought he was doing okay at that. He was better when Duncan was still around, but he thought he was still okay. But, maybe he wasn’t. He left Beatrice alone with Quigley and Violet all day just so he could get a stupid doll.

Klaus had failed her before, but he couldn’t fail her again. He wouldn’t fail her again.

“Dad,” Beatrice quietly said, drawing Klaus’ attention back to reality, “You’re a good dad,”

“Klaus, tickle my belly-well. Stay asleep, stay in drowsy town,” Klaus thought he heard Wiggly say. Klaus moved slightly away from Beatrice and looked at the doll. It wasn’t talking, it couldn’t be talking.

Wiggly was uglier than Klaus thought it was. Klaus thought it was an okay looking doll, but it wasn’t. It looked demonic.

“Wiggly isn’t that cute,” Klaus quietly said.

Beatrice laughed for a second, “It’s fucking ugly,” she said.

“Oh, uh, Fiona?” Klaus looked up at Fiona as he said her name, “I think someone took Friday and Carmelita,”

“To Esme?” Fiona asked.

“I think so,” Klaus nodded.

“I’m gonna fucking kill her,” Fiona said as she started to walk away.

“Fiona, she's gonna kill them,” Klaus got up and started to walk to Fiona.

“We have a gun and your sister, who has great aim, we can kill her,” Fiona said.

“That's true, Auntie Vi has great aim,” Beatrice added. She had followed Klaus and was now standing by Violet and Quigley.

“We could bring them the Wiggly, make a trade,” Violet said. She wasn’t in the mood to kill anyone else.

“We could bring the Wiggly, burn it, and then kill Esme,” Fiona suggested.

“I vote for that,” Beatrice said.

“Maybe we could bring the doll and just see what happens?” Quigley suggested in a much quieter voice than Fiona.

“That works,” Violet said.

“Well then, let's go,” Fiona said as she started to walk again.

“How do you know where Esme is?” Beatrice asked.

“Oh, she had me kidnapped at one point and Mr.Ponies was part of her cult,” Fiona quickly explained.

“Who’s Mr.Ponies?” Klaus asked.

“The guy who was choking me, you missed that though,” Fiona said, “Now, let's please go to Esme and save my sister and Isadora and Carmelita,”

“Fiona,” Klaus stopped walking as he spoke, “Esme doesn’t have Isadora,”

“If she has Friday, she has Isadora, now let's go,” Fiona said, she was desperate to go save her sister and Isadora.

“Isadora's dead,” Klaus said quickly. He didn’t know a better way to put it.

“What do you mean?” Quigley asked.

“Yeah, what do you mean?” Fiona stopped walking and moved closer to Klaus.

“She's dead. Isadora's dead,” Klaus said, still not knowing how to make it sound any better than it actually was.

“This isn’t funny,” Fiona said.

“Carmelita and I saw her die,” Klaus told the group, “It was hours ago,”

“Isadora can’t be dead,” Fiona told Klaus, “She isn’t dead!”

“She is,” Klaus said, “I’m sorry, but she died,”

“We are going to Esme and I’m proving she isn’t dead,” Fiona started to walk again, faster than she was before. She was going to prove Isadora wasn’t dead because she can’t be dead.

“Quigley, I’m sorry,” Klaus looked towards Quigley, who had been oddly quiet, and apologized. Klaus was sure he hadn’t killed Isadora, but he was still sorry. Klaus wanted to wait for Quigley to respond, but Beatrice was following Fiona. So, he walked away.

Quigley stood in his spot, he was frozen there. Isadora was dead, so was Duncan and his mom and his dad. They were all dead. He was the last Quagmire. All the others were dead.

“I’m so sorry Quigley,” Violet said as she hugged him.

Quigley didn’t know what to say. All he knew was that Isadora was gone.

“Hey, Klaus could be wrong. He was possessed by Wiggly until a few minutes ago,” Violet said. She didn’t think Klaus was wrong, but maybe he was.

“Can we just keep walking?” Quigley said after a moment. Violet nodded and held his hand as they walked.


	13. Tickle-Me-Wiggly (What If Tomorrow)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm too tired to write a long thing but this is the final chapter of Black Friday so I would just like to thank all of you for reading this and yeah  
> Enjoy:)

Chapter 13

**Tickle-Me-Wiggly (What If Tomorrow)**

“Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig!” Esme grinned as all of the people who adored her dragged the whinny redhead and the little girl towards her. She was getting closer to being the owner of the one Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll left. Everything was going perfectly, she was adored, had many people love her, and was the leader of a very new, _in_ , religion.

“Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig!” Esme's followers kept chanting as they continued to make their way towards her, towards the mommy. “Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig, Wiggly-wig!” The followers moved to their positions and went silent, waiting for Esme to say something.

Esme continued to grin as she walked down her runway and towards all of her precious followers. “Yes, Jerome, I’m about to get the doll,” Esme's voice was filled with excitement as she spoke. She glared towards the little girl as Jerome asked a question.

“Yes darling, I found the child,” Esme was proud of herself. She found the child. She had the doll, the precious little girl, and everything else she’d ever want. “I’ll talk to you later, darling,” Esme hung up her phone and placed it in her purse as she walked down her runways stairs.

Esme walked up to Carmelita Spats first. She looked as horrible as ever, Esme couldn’t help but laugh at her. “Oh Carmelita, you are as dumb as ever. Trying to protect a child that an all-knowing and powerful god wants,” Esme placed her hand on Carmelita's check before hitting her lightly, “Wake up darling, I’m belittling you and that's no fun when you’re fast asleep,”

The followers that were holding Carmelita shook her around, hoping she’d wake up, but she didn’t. She remained asleep.

“Drunk, again? Ah my dear, old habits die hard,” Esme laughed slightly at what she had just said, “Only person who will ever have you now is...Jack Daniels,”

“Get this girl out of my sight, my eyes deserve better,” Esme said as she walked away from Carmelita Spats and over to her precious, precious, precious, little girl. Sadly, she had been wide awake.

“Hello sweetheart,” Esme said as she faked a motherly smile and moved towards the little girl, “Would I be able to take a little peek at your beautiful backpack?” Esme asked, although the only answer she’d accept is yes.

The little girl shook her head and Esme noticed her grip onto her backpack tighter.

“Listen, sweetheart, I wanted to do this a _kind_ way and not force anything,” Esme pulled her pocket knife from her purse and played with it as she continued to talk, “But, you don’t seem to want to listen,”

“Magic hat, nothing can hurt me,” Friday mumbled quietly. She still had her magic hat, Isadora promised nothing bad would happen with the magic hat.

“What was that sweetheart,” Esme said as she looked up from her pocket knife and cocked her head to the side.

Friday shook her head and moved one hand onto her hat. Her magic hat.

“Let me see that hat of yours,” Esme said as she shoved her pocket knife into her purse and pulled the hat off of Friday's head. She looked at it for a moment before speaking again, “You think this is going to keep you safe, a magic hat?”

Esme started to laugh. Her laughs grew louder and louder until they came to an abrupt stop. Esme threw the magic hat behind her and placed both her hands on Friday's cheeks. “Only dolls are magic, sweetheart,” Esme slowly moved one of her hands off Friday's cheek and placed it onto one of the backpack straps, “And I’ll be taking mine now,”

Friday let Esme take the backpack this time. The doll was gone, anyways. She couldn’t do anything without the doll.

Esme giggled as she moved back over to her runway and opened the backpack. She expected to see a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. A glorious Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. But, there was nothing. The backpack was completely empty, minus the bits of garbage that remained at the very bottom.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Esme asked as she glared towards Friday, “Where is he?” Friday looked away from Esme and made a look that Esme couldn’t describe, but she hated it, “Answer me you little shit!” Esme stomped towards Friday and pulled her pocket knife out once again, “Or I’ll have to open your mouth with my fucking knife!”

Friday stayed in her spot and just looked up at Esme. Babbit said she wouldn’t get hurt. Not yet. There was no need to be scared yet.

“Don’t play games with me you little piece of-” Esme said before she was interrupted.

“Hey!” Fiona yelled. She was holding a Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll up in there air and was all alone.

“Mommy, there!” One of Esme's followers yelled as they pointed at Fiona.

“The god!” Another follower yelled as they reached towards Fiona.

“Is this what you're looking for?” Fiona asked as she stayed in her spot with the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll in her hand.

“He’s radiant,”

“He’s beautiful,”

“He’s our god,”

Esme looked at Fiona for a moment before looking back down at Friday and starting to pull her knife away, “I haven’t changed my mind, sweetheart, I’m still extremely interested in seeing you dead,” Esme whispered before she began to move closer to Fiona.

“And I thought your little sister was the stupid one!” Esme yelled at Fiona, “Coming into the lion's den, completely outnumbered, with a doll? You’re a fucking moron!”

Fiona grinned and moved the Wiggly down, “I don’t believe so,”

Suddenly, Esme felt someone put their arms around her and put something towards her head. “How are you doing, Esme?” Violet Baudelaire said.

All of Esme's followers tried to move to Violet, but Violet pointed her gun at them, scaring them away.

“Let Friday and Carmelita go!” Klaus, who had been standing next to Violet, yelled to all of Esme's followers.

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Esme whispered to Violet and Klaus.

“Everyone, listen to me!” Beatrice yelled. She had been standing on Esme's runway. “This doll isn’t a god!”

Fiona nodded and joined Beatrice on Esme's runway after she got Friday away from the devoted followers.

“The doll isn’t gonna fix all your weird adult lives!” Beatrice yelled to the followers once again, “Your cult is also bullshit!”

“Language,” Klaus turned around and mouthed to his daughter.

“If Wiggly is a god, then let him try and stop me from doing this,” Fiona lifted the Wiggly doll up in front of all the followers once again and pulled out the lighter she had still had from that morning.

“No!” All of Esme's followers screamed as Fiona lifted the lighters closer and closer to Wiggly.

Esme, instead of screaming no, just screamed. She kicked Violet, Klaus, and Quigley, who happened to be with them, with her high heel and stormed up to Fiona, Friday, and Beatrice. Esme pushed the two younger girls to the ground before she grabbed the Tickle-Me-Wiggly from Fiona.

Suddenly, Esme stopped screaming. She went quiet and a simple smile appeared on her face as she held the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll.

“I can hear his voice,” Esme said as she continued to feel the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll, “And feel his power,”

“I see his kingdom and his plans laid out for me,” Esme said as she glared at Fiona, Friday, and Beatrice. 

Esme walked down her runway holding the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll so everyone could see it in all of its glory, _“He will wiggle, wiggle, Wiggly will wiggle tonight”_ Esme half-sang.

“Why is she singing?” Violet whispered to Klaus, assuming he’d know something.

“Trying to summon Wiggly?” Klaus guessed.

"I don't like it," Quigley whispered to both Violet and Klaus.

 _“He will wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle his way into life,”_ Esme continued to sing to all of her followers, who seemed to enjoy the singing. “And I will wiggle my way to his side,” Esme said, no longer singing.

“Now, it's my job to prepare for his birth,” Esme sounded extraordinarily happy as she spoke. She raised her hands in the air and all of her followers moved into a line in front of the runway.

 _“He will wiggle, wiggle, Wiggly will wiggle tonight,”_ All of Esme's followers and her began to sing their Wiggly summoning song once again, _“I will wiggle, wiggle, wiggle my way to his side,”_

“All the plans he has for you and me, me more favourably, the earth is looking good and ripe,” Esme said as she snapped her fingers and two of her followers stepped onto the runway and lifted her into the air. They carried her up and down the runway as the other followers repeated the words “When Wiggly comes,”

“I will wiggle, wiggle, wiggle my way to his side,” Esme held the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll high into the air as she spoke, “All the wills he will have to bend when he ascends,”

“The best of our fwendy-wends!” Esme and her followers all yelled, “We will build a portal just for when he comes,”

“Hey!” Carmelita loudly said. She had been standing directly behind Esme. The gun that Violet had originally had was now in Carmelita's hands and Carmelita had been pointing it at Esme's head.

Esme laughed for a moment before responding to Carmelita, “Carmelita, you’re not getting the Wiggly. Do you think you can stop the birth of a god? You couldn’t even stand up to that disgusting dumbass you lived with! ” Esme felt the gun move further away, “Paralyzed with fear, what's new?”

“No,” Carmelita said as she fiddled with the gun she was holding, “I just wanted to line up my shot a bit differently,”

The gun went off.

“The prophet!” One of Esme's followers yelled as they caught her dead body.

“Oh, mother,”

"Mommy!"

"Oh god,"

“Jerome, yeah, it’s Gunther,” Gunther said as he held his phone up to his ear, “We gotta talk about the will,”

Gunther carried Esme's lifeless body away as the rest of her followers stayed where they were. All of them crying out for Esme, the mother, the prophet.

“All of you guys alright?” Carmelita dropped the gun as she ran over to Fiona, Violet, Quigley, Klaus, Friday, and Beatrice.

“Yeah, yeah we’re all good,” Klaus said.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Quigley quietly said, the others all nodded.

Everyone began to walk away, but Fiona stayed for a moment. She was glaring at the Tickle-Me-Wiggly doll. Piece of shit was half the reason Isadora, her wife, died. Fiona picked up the doll and looked at Esme's cult followers.

“Fuck all of you,” Fiona said as she lifted her lighter towards the Tickle-Me-Wiggly, setting the doll of fire. Fiona dropped the doll and stayed for a moment, watching all the Wiggly followers try to grab the burning doll, before leaving with the rest of the group.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“How did the fire spread so fast?” Beatrice asked. The group had all gotten to the parking lot and were out there for a few minutes before the fire had started to take over the mall.

“Just did,” Violet responded, “The whole malls coming down,”

“Good,” Fiona said as she watched the mall burn down. Isadora was still in there. But, Klaus had been right, she was gone. The fire couldn't hurt her at this point.

“So, uh, what happened to you guys?” Klaus looked at Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice as he asked his question.

“My uncle came to your house and it went a little chaotic,” Violet said.

“Yeah and Moscow got nuked,” Beatrice added, thinking it was important for someone to know that happened.

"Oh," Klaus replied. That was all he had to say.

“Can we please not talk about that,” Quigley quietly said as he went to hold Violet's hand.

“Is he okay?” Carmelita asked, pointing to Quigley.

“Quigley, you okay?” Fiona asked.

“They’re dead,” Quigley said, trying his hardest not to start crying. He was failing.

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Violet said to Quigley, assuming he was talking about Jacques.

“I know, I know,” Quigley said. He was not talking about Jacques. He was talking about Duncan and Isadora.

“Wanna go to my house and talk?” Klaus asked.

“We shouldn’t go there,” Violet said.

“What did you do?” Klaus asked. He was worried Violet, Quigley, and Beatrice had managed to destroy the house.

“Nothing, it just might not be smart to go there,” Violet told Klaus.

“Well, should we go somewhere?” Carmelita asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

“Yeah,” Fiona said and looked down to Friday, “Where should we go french fry?”

“California?” Friday suggested.

“That might be too far away,” Violet said, “But we could go to my dad's house, it's basically a large storage box and I don’t think it could ever get destroyed,”

“What time is it? I don't want to bother him if its too late and I would check, but I lost my phone,” Quigley said, trying to participate in a conversation that might make it so he can forget about Isadora and Duncan being dead for a moment.

“Wear a watch,” Friday said. Most of the adults laughed for a moment before Klaus checked his watch.

“It’s 11:57, Black Friday’s almost over,” Klaus said to the group.

The group went quiet for a little bit.

“Tomorrow will come,” Friday said. She hadn't sounded happy, more worried.

Fiona nodded and put an arm around her little sister, “Yep, it’ll be tomorrow in three minutes,”

“Actually, it's one minute now,” Klaus corrected.

Friday shook her head, “Tomorrow won’t come,”

“What does she mean?” Carmelita asked.

“Babbit, Fridays imaginary friend, likes to say cryptic shit sometimes,” Fiona said. She didn’t have a much better explanation.

“Tomorrow come today,” Friday mumbled.

“What else is Babbit saying?” Beatrice asked her friend.

“Do you all see what I see?” Friday asked, a confused expression taking over her face.

“Hey, fifteen seconds left until it's Saturday,” Klaus said, changing the topic.

“Nine,” Fiona said.

“Seven,” Violet said.

“Five,” Quigley said.

“Three,” Carmelita said.

“One,” Beatrice said.

“What if tomorrow,” Friday said before the sky went dark and _boom_.


End file.
